Jordan Peterson: Hookup Culture & Consent

Jordan Peterson: Hookup Culture & Consent


we’ve had relatively reliable birth control since 1960 okay that’s not very long and we underestimate the unbelievable technological triumph of birth control it’s it’s the hydrogen bomb it’s the transistor like it’s a major-league transformation in human interaction women are now free from involuntary reproduction that’s never been the case in the entire history of the planet okay we don’t know exactly what to do about that okay so the first idea in the 60s was hell let’s party and you know you could see why it’s like what the rules for not engaging in promiscuous sexual intercourse seemed to have vanished so we had a couple of decades of experimentation it’s like well how’d that go little hard on the family I would say that’s not so good for kids AIDS that wasn’t the Plus could have killed us all and it mutated particularly to take advantage of promiscuous sex because viruses are very tricky things so it turns out that sex is a little bit more complicated than we thought well it actually turns out that it’s a lot more complicated than we think okay and now it’s for 50 60 years later and we’re trying to sort this out it’s like well when is it okay to have sex exactly and when is it not okay to have sex and what does it mean that it’s okay and what is consent mean and the answer to that is well we never used to have to think these things through because the rule was don’t have sex until you get married that was the rule now that isn’t the rule okay so what’s the rule well we’re not having a conversation about the rule we’re waiting someone does something that seems like it might be untoward and then mobbing them and trying to extract the rule out that way and it’s not a very effective way of doing it you know you want to decrease campus rate that’s easy get real alcohol no one has that conversation it’s like I did my PhD work on alcohol fifty percent of the people who are murdered are drunk and fifty percent of the people who kill them are drunk and almost all the date-rape situations are consequences of excess intoxication but yet there’s a party culture on campuses and anything goes and you also have this strange thing especially on the radical left which is which is unbelievably paradoxical where absolutely every form of sexual expression imaginable is 100% permissible because sex is fine but it’s so dangerous that while you’re dancing with someone at a Princeton mixer you have to ask them two or three times if it’s okay for you to continue and and that’s that’s actually the case by the way I’m not making that up it’s like well both of those things can’t be true now what’s happening I think on the me to end of things and the affirmative consent end of things is the old sexual taboos are reasserting themselves the idea that we can extract sex out from emotional intimacy and especially emotional intimacy I would say psychological intimacy maybe even from long-term relationship is I don’t believe it’s a tenable idea I don’t think we can do it and a lot of what we’re seeing is the backlash against that it’s like well I feel used you know because one of the things that’s happening on the really radical end of the anti sexual abuse movement is the idea that well if you have intercourse with someone and then you regret it the next day that’s evidence that it wasn’t consensual well it is in the sense evidence that it wasn’t consensual because it’s evidence that you didn’t bloody well think it through right it was good for last night but it’s not good for today it’s not very wise the question is well what constitutes consent and we need to have a very serious conversation about that like under what circumstances is it acceptable to give consent but we’re not mature enough to have that conversation we want both ways we want to be able to do whatever we want with ever with what with whoever we want whenever we want with no consequences and we want there never to be any trouble about consent it’s like well no that’s not going to happen I don’t think that sex works very well outside of committed relationships I don’t think there’s any evidence that it does there’s a strong proclivity across cultures for for the enforcement social enforcement of long term monogamy and there’s reasons for that and I think you deviate from that at your peril so now if you if you want to deviate from that there’s all sorts of reasons to do it and I can understand why people are interested in adventure and all of that but you know my sense also as a clinician is you know you only really get to try out about five people in your life you have to make a decision pretty damn quick you know like between 20 and 30 there’s a lot of things to get straight and long-term mate is usually one of them and most of the time people should be more careful with their sexual behavior when they’re young especially when they’re drunk than they are and I think it I just think it’s so interesting that all of the taboo reconstruction is coming from the radical left it’s not what you’d expect at all you’d think it’d be the damn right-wing Christians complaining about you know sexual immorality it’s like no it’s the radical lefties you know you you have to have a signed consent before making any physical move and then that’s so what really who thought that up that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you know how awkward that would be you know you’re supposed to be able to do a little bit of non verbal reading right I mean that’s part of romance you don’t see it you ever see a movie where the two people who are dating exchanged consent notes like that doesn’t happen so it’s an unrealistic solution but but I think the real solution is that despite the fact that we have reliable birth control we’re going to have to relearn what the acceptable rules of propriety are with regards to sexual relationships one of the things I often tell my young clients is don’t do anything physically with anyone that you wouldn’t talk to them about because if you’re too damn embarrassed to talk about it well maybe it’s a little premature in the relationship to actually do it and then there’s harm in it you know there’s emotional harm in it for on both parties there’s the cheapening of both parties so well so it’s going to take us a long time to sort this out but hopefully we can do it in a serious manner and and it won’t be merely a matter of mobbing those who seem to have made an error so

Author: Kennedi Daugherty

100 thoughts on “Jordan Peterson: Hookup Culture & Consent

  1. The rule is actually pretty simple:

    If you want to have sex here is a handy flowchart:

    1) Find a potential partner
    2) Ask: "Do you want to have sex with me?"
    3) If answer is yes have sex, if answer is no don't have sex

  2. The sexual revolution is now focused on female sexuality, the satisfaction of women and protection of women's prerogatives. Good to an extent, but yes the whole function of sexuality and long-term pair-bonding is the wellbeing and security of the offspring children. The whole reason for falling in love is because it takes many years for a human child to reach adulthood, so the parents must stay together long enough to get those kids raised and out of the nest. As Tolstoy said, every happy family is the same, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. That is to say: there is a clear optimum, and many ways to screw it up. Children of bad parents can survive, but do they have children themselves, and do their own children grow to be normal well-adjusted people

  3. In a way the society is willing to permit anything especially when it comes to sexual conduct using this as way to show how much we have 'grown' from the dark unenlightened past filled with prohibitions, but at the same time is unwilling to accept any concequences. If you want to have fun, you have to be ready to deal with the concequences and accept that they came as a direct result of your own decisions. As long as we want the fun, but are unwilling to accept responsibility, we will be just as unenlightened as before, not to mention that such a behaviour is vastly immature and childish.

  4. He goes into the emotional backlash from birth control but doesn't talk about the 'idiocracy' effect on actual human reproduction (fertility among educated women in the developed world is ridiculously low), which is a whole lot more scary in the long run than post-coital regrets.

  5. I'm keeping my virginity for my future partner, I think it's so personal and special I am saving it for that one person.

  6. Speaks a man who is married since is early adulthood…You can't have a good opinion about something you do not know about, you can only speculate. How can he know you cannot separate sex from emotion? Maybe he can't…Did he even try it? Intelligent people think they can talk about everything…

  7. He really hit the nail on the head when he mentioned alcohol.
    It was a big origin point for many of my problems with the opposite sex. Once I stopped drinking, I was able to control myself better, and avoid situations where idiots assumed I was required to control their behaviour as well while they were drunk .

    Haven't had anymore of those problems since.

  8. In the series "Rome" is strongly suggested that the husband and wife had in fact worked out code speak for consent. I recall being in relationships where mutual consent took place before anything else. I think the Romans did it better. "The calendar is correct." Hee hee hee hee!!

  9. Im surprised people feel like this is actually smart. He's acting like sex is this special meaningful thing we must wait and think about strongly when it's just the single most natural thing in the world. Stop putting your own personal views on an objective topic. People are designed to just want to fuck a lot

  10. Listening to Peterson, you think he is a genius but when you actually think about it, what he says is so elementary you wonder why you haven’t thought about it.

  11. 2:10 – 2:50 ..no, date rape is planned. a man sets out to do that shit and it takes a certain type of person to do it. i'm the kind who's been considered to do this by a community in response to my generally creepy and fucked up state of existing, without actually having date-raped or at all-raped a single person. presumably, someone unsuccessful at finding sex and frustrated at his failures. let alone more dark reasons/intentions

  12. 4:00 – 5:00 so, people want to control how they feel after doing something they regret the morning after but also want to do whatever they want when they feel like it (e.g. when drunk). people want to have their cake and eat it too, well it's time to get real and as Jordan recommends in general, take responsibility. your sexual partner is not responsible for what you chose to do when intoxicated. one can't expect the other to bear the burden of one's own bad decisions.. so frustrating

  13. "If you're too embarrassed to talk about it, maybe it's a little premature in the relationship to actually do it."

  14. I think one factor would be the old notion that telling people to be be sexually responsible is somehow anti-feminist, that looking for long-term monogamous relationships is akin to keeping women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Women are the ones who choose with whom and why they mate. The problem was created by irresponsible radical feminism in the first place.

  15. One of the things that makes Peterson so attractive is that he sounds so damn authoritative. It really seems like he knows what he's talking about. But does he really? He uses a lot straw man arguments, like the Princeton dance consent nonsense (not really true) and I have never heard anybody suggesting written consent forms for dating. Of course, it's easy to sound wise when you use absurd examples as the counterpoint to what you're saying. Listen to this carefully. He hasn't clearly articulated the problem, and he sure as hell hasn't provided any answers.

    I get the sense that Peterson has some views on sex (who doesn't) and is a victim of confirmation bias — he looks for evidence that supports his views. There are plenty of societies where long term monogomy is decidedly not the norm.

  16. Yeah birth control made everybody fuck around…Those poor hookers in the past having to file for bankruptcy and the men that where in foreign lands away from their wives, their blue balls must have made them stink bad.

    Jordan has an agenda and it smells awfully like sucking the rich kids dick.

  17. I love Jp. But he clearly hasn't had socially awkward men (or sexually aggressive men) who don't know how to read women approach him with sexual intent. I think those are the people who need to learn about consent. I agree that the whole control thing, and written consent stuff is OTT. BUT there is a POWER in learning to ask for consent. Not for every move. But for significant ones. Particularly as sexual assault is so high and as a result, so many women go into freeze response and don't know how to say no. I had to teach my ex to ask permission before putting his fingers places before I was ready. He had never been taught how to know when a woman was ready and it was actually really upsetting when he would go there before my body was ready. once he started asking, my body trusted him more and it improved our intimacy and relational trust. So many men simply aren't taught these things because it's taboo to go there. Most WOMEN aren't. No one is. Consent is important, but like many issues, it's being used incorrectly and with weaponised intent.

  18. Sex outside of intercourse is a childlike fantasy. Its playing with fire until you get really hurt or die.

  19. Do I need to ask for consent before punching this guy in the face? I can I just deduce from his body language that he needs it

  20. "most of the time people should be more careful with their sexual behavior…." [6:02]. Why though? I don't think he clearly explained any particular reasoning. Generally big fan of his though

  21. The world would be a vastly better place if the wants and needs of the opposite sex was a subject taught in school; it would be an eye-opening 3-5 year course for boys, and a very informative weekend workshop for girls.

  22. islam is truly a blessing, drinking alcohol having drugs are prohibited, sex before marriage is also prohibited. Allah does not deny anything to humans unless it is harmful to them

  23. Ah cmon. The rule of sex is "follow your biological default and hide it well if you are male."

  24. I feel like a lot of people underestimate the negative side effects of birth control. I had the nexplanon for about 4 months, and I started having extreme depression & suicidal thoughts. The hormones in that birth control and pills are very toxic, so just be careful.

  25. If you're considering hooking up with a classmate or a coworker or a friend or anyone you see somewhat regularly, first give it the ol' post-masturbation test: masturbate on your own, and then the moment after you cum, imagine how it'd feel right then and there to be next to the person that you're considering hooking up with. Would you want to just chill with them afterwards, maybe hold them, or watch somethin or talk or do whatever? Would you enjoy still being around them for a while?? Or would you rather just kinda go your separate ways?
    There is definitely a certain clarity of conscience post-masturbation. It is worth sincere recognition in regard to these matters.

  26. Gtfo with this conservative bs about "oh, ban all alcohol". Really, blanket bans are not the solution. Getting to the root of the problem is the solution.

  27. I did see a movie with negotiating consent years ago. I just can't remember the name. I think it was futuristic scifi. It was prophetic.

  28. Jordan Petersons ideas are way too brilliant and deep for the radical childish leftist world that seems to make so many important decisions today. The second you stop running from responsibility it becomes clear that one night stands are incredibly wreckless and that abortion is clearly wrong.

  29. "You want to stop rape, get rid of alcohol", then proceeds to say only half of other, worse crimes are caused by people who are drunk..?

  30. The alcohol thing is 100% true. So many situations could be avoided if it wasn’t for the fact that this pervasive, legal drug is being used left right and centre by everyone and anyone.

  31. "And there's harm in it. There's emotional harm it in."

    That's true. You enjoy it, yet you feel that you're doing something that is a wrong thing to do, and it all gradually snowballs and goes downhill from there.

  32. The best advice I heard about sex growing up was from my sex ed teacher who said, "If you aren't ready to have children and you aren't willing to have the person you're with be a parent, then you shouldn't have sex." That's a super conservative statement, but I think it's great advice.

  33. 24/7 access to porn is ruining our society. No one is talking about THAT. Pornography sells the idea that promiscuity is something that is fulfilling and something is missing if you don’t engage in it.

  34. Some of what he says is sadly the ugly truth, and that's what's beautiful in Dr. Peterson's wisdom. Though he is a clinician and he attempts to ground a lot of things in science, some of it comes from his personal values and navigations that he has made in life, that may be more a personal truth for him than a universal one. One of his initial fight that brought him to the lime light is freedom of speech and not to be criminalized for not using the "correct" gender pronoun. We are also animals along the evolutionary line he has acknowledged this many times. So then why not sex? While I agreed that intoxication has had a devastating impact on sexual regret and incidents of rape and sexual harassment, promiscuity is a separate issue.FACTS: Humans are NOT monogamous. Many cultures across the world may promote and support monogamy in relatively recent history, and some from pre-history, but infidelity is also a species-old evolutionary phenomenon that should not be trivialized as minimal when most of it happened underground. Dr. Peterson's assessment of modern-day sexual issues and the "hookup culture" only looks at what has happened in the past 60 years. Human sexuality is complicated and cannot be simplified or constrained to long-term monogamous relationships, although there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with that. 3 % of all species on earth are truly monogamous; humans are not one of them. We can aspire to transition towards monogamy overtime and our environment may well help make that transition for us, but judgment should not be passed against those who live their lives happily in polygamy, open relationships, choosing to be single and as safely promiscuous as possible, because they are a product of the "modern age" or more clearly and specifically, birth control. I appreciate hearing his learned ideas and opinions, along with some facts. If he ever proposed to make any of those rules however, that would be going against the very thing he first started to fight for.

  35. 1) Blames sexual assault on alcohol 2) Makes it sound like marriage means consent when actually marriage has long been used on occasion as an excuse to rape partners “but we’re married – she has to” etc 3) Makes broad unsupported statements that extra-marital sex or sex outside of long-term relationships is almost always harmful 4) conflates sexual assault with someone not “thinking it through” or “feeling regret after the fact” and therefore faux-intellectualizing propaganda meant to invalidate movements meant to protect women and inform men such as #metoo and #timesup 5) argues you should choose your mate between 20 & 30 and you have to make a decision quick 6) falsely claims the “radical” left requires written consent before having sex. Nope. Logical fallacies don’t supplant what’s really going on here. The “radical crazy left” as you call it isn’t trying to get people to sign consent forms before sleeping together, and those that are if they even exist are few and far between. The aim is to clarify what consent means, hold people accountable, and reveal something that has been a norm for far too long. And that’s that men have taken advantage of women since the dawn of time. And while to be fair there are examples of women being irresponsible or equally at fault, and it’s disturbing those that take advantage of these revelations to exploit men, we know that’s not the overall trend. We’re not making up a problem we’re revealing an issue that’s been going on for far too long. And trust me, plenty of us “radical lefties” still like to have dirty, dirty sex.

  36. at a party everybody drinking next morn girl calls cops she was drunk and got raped. guy gets arrested he had been drunk also and had sex with accuser. Question: they were both drunk probably got caught up in the moment but why is the guy hauled away if they had both been under the influence.

  37. Although it's not a peer reviewed article have you read " Inside the Scam of the Purity Movement" by Sarah Stankorb inside Cosmopolitan Magazine March 2019…Its an interest discussion of the issue, not my personal views but an interesting read.

  38. Healthy minded person: "Wow, a highly intelligent man of actual reason – we're not doomed!"

    Leftist SJWs: "His views are misogynistic – roast him for he is a 'man'!"

    Fascist Antifa: "He is a Nazi – f**k the right for free speech and let's riot every time he publicly opens his mouth!"

  39. In his words, "unbelievable, technological triumph of birth control." Hahahahaha It is akin to the belief that humans are animals and they have a voracious appetite for fast food sex. Jordan Peterson is willfully ignorant of the fact that procreation is an art form. Evidently, he is devoid of wisdom and his philosophy is a desecration of Christian values.

  40. The only thing I can agree with is that you have to screen and choose wisely who you are dealing with. Should probably avoid dodgy situations also. But it doesn't necessarily have to be marriage and/or monogamy. In fact, marriage does more harm than good, it doesn't work. You can easily see this by counting a number of divorced people around you.

  41. I am so attracted to Jordan Peterson. My female reproductive DNA is telling me to select him and reproduce with his DNA. Hard.

  42. Western culture has mainstreamed promiscuity and the cultures that paced premium on monogamy & falling prey to the same. Don't get me wrong, the West has been a pioneer of several great technological & cultural milestones which contributed immensely to the entire humanity. But the cheapening of human values is also something you get to experience first hand if you get to live in the West, particularly the anglo-world. You see lot of broken families, kids raised in a horrible environment and morals being loose so much so that anyone batting for yesteryear values are seen as bigoted or antiquated. It's about time the West wakes up to the destruction from within.

  43. 3:46 Prostitutes and their clients have been taking sex out of the context of relationships for thousands of years.
    >>
    4:02 Man, I really hope this is made up. I'm not connected to the hookup culture in any way, but that's just unfair to the man in the situation.
    >>
    6:43 Yeah, but you ever see a movie in which much of anything realistic happened? The movies aren't a strong argument for anything.* (Not that I believe in "signed consent," except perhaps as rape-accusation prevention.)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         *The reverse of the argument that if something doesn't happen in movies, it's an unrealistic solution, is that something that does happen in movies is a realistic solution. That is, of course, untrue.)

  44. I really fucking hate it when women bitch and complain about unwanted pregnancy while going around having sex with 10+ people. It’s extremely hypocritical. They try to make victims out of themselves for voluntarily participating in one of the most risky activities you can possibly do. You don’t want STDs or kids? DON’T. HAVE. SEX. It’s really not that hard to just keep your fucking legs closed. Just like it’s not that hard to just keep it in your pants. I don’t wanna hear you crying about all the risks because you’re a pleasure-driven retard who can’t go one day without fucking everything that moves.

  45. I never frowned upon casual sex, and I still don’t, really… I generally believe that people should do whatever they want to, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. However, I definitely see where he’s coming from. Close human relationships are one of the most important things in our lives, but it’s considered to be almost shameful to take them seriously as a young person these days.

  46. Most of these things were questioned by Catholic scholars and thinkers back since the 1960ies. Others – mostly from the "advanced" west were labelling them as "comservatuve" and "backwarded" and other mean words.
    Listening to him is like reading books from the 1800 literature.

  47. People don't want to admit how spiritual sex is. Whether it's casual or not, you will have the consequences of the spiritual side of sex. But allas…

  48. thank again JP for addressing issues our leaders are to slow think about and work on. No on talks about anything except JP….. he brings the real issues to light but even after the fact people still don't do anything. It's like basically jp goes under the hoop with the ball and is waiting for us to get ready to dunk so he can give us a winning score…. but nooooo everyone is too afraid to take the shot.

  49. I completely agree that if you're too embarrased to talk about sex with the person you are having sex with, you are probably not ready to have a sexual relationship with the person involved.

  50. There're no evidence sex can't be a physical act only, there are evolutionary reason for that, especially for men to have multiple sex partner, so it happens in the animal kingdom. So I don't see anything strange to that, think to when you have a massage for example, it is 100% a physical and pleasurable interact between two people, but ZERO emotion involved in it. Is the problem with my genital organ that is supposed to be the trigger on my emotions? Again, there're ZERO evidence of that either and if you think about it, do you become emotional when you masturbate? Of couse not, there's just physical pleasure and there's nothing wrong with that, even when another person is involved like in massages or casual sex, both people are getting physical pleasure, that's it and that should be it.
    I'm really curious about your elaborations about my point

  51. I totally agree with this, I'm 24 surrounded by people who care only for sex. I Feel like the world has gone mad with sexual lechery

  52. Today the normal thing (for most of civilisation history) of not having sex till marriage is considered not normal. There are legitimate concerns of how much we have changed our culture in the last 60 years.

  53. Why alcohol? Because its not natural to fuck around with complete strangers. At least not for women. So they need to be drunk as fuck to keep up with society standards of this hookup culture. 🤦🏾‍♀️

  54. The other thing to keep in mind as a man is that consent can be revoked AT ANY TIME. Having sex is just like holding hands. If one party says to stop and the other party refuses to do so, they’re committing a crime.

  55. What is funny (NOT) in this speech is that JP mixes the idea of contraception with the idea of sexual consent, suggesting that because of contraception men have a problem understanding when to go further. As per his discourse, contraception is to blame, because if it wasn't for contraception, you would get married and only then could you have sex without making sure that she wants to, with no worries about legal issues; when she said YES in front of the priest, she said YES for sex anywhere and anytime. That is what this speech entails. In other words, it justifies rape by blaming contraception (and alkohol) and victimizes men who are tempted to have sex without caring about their partners' desires (regardless whether it's their wives or just women using contraception). Mindblowing. It frightens me to see such a bright man saying such BS.

  56. His views are simple, obvious, and stark. So damned stark, like there's no hope. We're all at odds. God help us; our tangled webs

  57. Hookup culture is messy. People do want to be free in choice and free from the outcome wether it be for better or for worse. I dont know why- or how they are thinking to get a neutral reaction after such interaction. Unless its sex work because i mean if you do any job enough it becomes almost automatic for anything you do even if its enjoyable.

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