Group Therapy demonstration: Dealing with a metal spider

Group Therapy demonstration: Dealing with a metal spider


okay so I noticed that Im mum I’ve got a
kind of combination of things happening with me i’m kind of a bit I don’t know
roundup or wanting myself up I’ve got a lot of energy and I do that when I a I
kind of get excited but then it’s easy for me to tip into a sort of a it’s
being a bit Speedy’s it’s fun yeah so I’m kind of just like aware of that and
slow myself down on naming that and also noticed I feel a bit just a little bit
of kind of heaviness just carrying stuff with me so I’m in aware of these things
that are influencing me right now in terms of being present with you so I’m
wondering about your experience still early in the morning for me other than
my body very much but I with what’s your morning time like what’s a good baton
you emerge I measure out 8 30-9 bad till I know do my practice ok so yeah I’m not
aware of this particular engines you just described perhaps a little bit of happiness in the
heart and you know what that happiness is
connected to if I don’t know if it’s connected to right now I don’t want to
make an assumption completely sure that it feels like a hesitation perhaps is
yeah because I’m in a stage in my life that there is transitioning mm-hmm so
i’m not sure like I’m just watching I don’t know what’s the next step that’s
in and the transition can you tell me a bit more about the feeling of that
transition uncertainty this is a underlying fear of like what will be the
right choice and there is maybe that’s the like
behind that if it feels like there is a kind of which i need to be in control of
because I don’t know the move like a hastiness like okay figure it out yes
yeah so perhaps you know thats related with the what speediness yeah yeah was
you talking I’m I’m getting in touch with something about my own cross at the
process in the moment of my life which there’s also like I mean just entering
into some kind of transition place and I also quite a lot of uncertainty in this
place and and some heavy heavy heavy pneus and yeah I noticed it’s easy for
me to kind of want to organize okay what’s next or what do we need to do or
two to facilitate something happening next that allows me to step to the next
place of certainty and I’m just was aware of that this morning and kind of
cognizant of how doing that like that is what I’m doing I’m noticing that and I’m
like right okay well that’s how I maintain my sense of okayness or
something as like moved from one solid place and it’s okay well it’s work out
it looks like that’s going to be it as compared to sort of being with the
uncertainty and whatever free-floating anxiety is there if I allow myself to to
slow down a bit so yeah I think another dungeon looking stability is a place
that for me that I can relax no it’s more like yeah it’s a more
relaxing place for me although I can move you know with you know things
happening but I have to set up myself as like okay this is like a journey
knowledge but I kind of enjoy I am you know I I’m enjoying this setting of the
home let’s say I have limits now i’m talking like the home with the fireplace
you know you’re partnering you know this is that so I kind of enjoy that as much
as i enjoy adventure as well I like to have my base and I guess I don’t have a
base right now hmm and I don’t know what where my next days will be mmm I’m in a
very similar position that’s right and I also like to have that base that I can
move from and I also don’t have that right now so yeah take a breath and I
just feel my motion come up so I say that I’m wondering what you’re in touch
with us we’re talking about this it’s just that it’s late like a very subtle
feeling of anxiety in their solar plexus well if it’s okay with you when I invite
you to do and I’ll kind of do the same thing at the same time as to sit with
this anxiety rather than moving to these other places that are a little bit more
Sakura comforting you know so just make sure that your breathing and allowing
you a breath to move in that place I’m interested in how you experience
your anxiety in your body and I’m also attending to how experienced mine well I’m experiencing like a sort of
constriction that kind of blocks a bit the inhalation so and imma keep having
this shape which I don’t know like it feels like this you know so there’s your
inhalation and it’s your constriction yeah in the inhalation is mostly the
constriction in the upper yeah and again as I noticed my process I can also feel
the variety of my constriction as well yes it’s here and it’s a bit on the
throat as well like something is yeah something is blocking the throat it’s interesting as we sit in silence
and i’m watching this this again that feeling of hastiness gun one figure it
out yeah I get that or I want to resolve it but yeah you know it’s absolutely get
that okay yeah so for me to be with this place I have to slow down slow myself
down quite consciously and slow my even my my body my rhythm speeding up as i
described her you described his hastiness it’s like a dude is slowing
down process remove my hand like this to slow myself down because otherwise it’s
hard to stay with certainty feeling it’s fine it’s almost like this is
definitely not comfortable slowing down this it’s like it’s fast moving and yeah
because if I slow down enough i’m gonna start feeling more and i’m not sure i
want to feel other things that are in there I’m laughing because I guess I’m
just like oh so I feel uncomfortable with what’s in there that’s definitely about taking action
this energy it was something like yeah I’ve died right there without notice all
the what I do mentally as I start thinking okay and I’m like plotting it
out i’m moving to action yeah so if we both slow down and take a step back from
the action then learn this different zone or this potentially more vulnerable
anxiety place and what one of the significance is for me right now is that we you know you and me are in a sense in
this place together I mean you’re in your place i’m in mind but where there’s
some kind of being with each other in this place of anxiety or being with
ourselves in each other in this place of anxiety we both slow down enough to move
away from the action enough to really be present so that i’m interested in not
only naming that but kind of likes stepping a little bit more into this
experience right now so it’s kind of like you’re not entirely alone in that
place i’m not entirely alone in its place because we’re doing this in
parallel it’s funny i cannot relate with what you’re going through right now
because you know i’m really feeling it yeah sure so I’m more into my sphere
yeah that’s fine well I mean I’m very available to you I guess in the sense
okay by slowing myself down I become more available to you in this place it’s like I’m willing to hang out a bit
more in this place so I can also be with you jumping into something else yeah
it’s funny because I would like you to jump into something else yeah not
something I was like you do the action Yale like I’m holding the action you
take it you know yeah I get that so yeah then my invitation right now is will
what happens if we you and I don’t do that we stay in this place and what what
is the experience that starts to emerge particularly the feelings in your body
inviting you to notice well there’s not much happening my mind right now it’s my
kind of steel but it’s a more in my body is like I feel their constriction it’s almost like when you have a just
affection and you breathe and you feel a bit there yeah I’m not feeling so that
constriction in your chest familiar with my own version of that if you describe
that a little bit more to me it’s like I can imagine one ear image or whether
image I have is I cannot it’s like almost a ring with wires like either
three or four in each side hooked like hooked on the sides on the ribs so every
time I breathe it’s like it’s cooling it doesn’t allow it you so if you install
metal right so if you imagine yourself as this ring with metal wires the three
wise hooking into Theo’s chest and you describe yourself as this constrictive
piece tell me something about you so if you’d say I’m metal I’m made of wire I’m
what else would you say beso well I’m hello it’s like sharp in the ends not
chuckling oh my god hooks or something yeah it’s pointy you know and it looks
like a spider if you say I I’m like a spider yeah I’m like a spider I’m still
like I don’t move stagnant I’m hooked you know I’m looking upward I’m strong background not rigid it’s almost like II I don’t know how to
move your bit frozen or something yeah it’s just this rigidness it’s not you
yeah it’s like metal and someone’s like you know you the brain can say move and nothing knows how to interpret that command hmm right so if you go back to
bang theory you’ve got this sort of metal spider on your chest it’s kind of
looking up at you and it’s quite rigid what would what would be a response to
that spider what would you say to it all okay relax I know it’s confusing because
it’s metal and and it’s like what do you do miss meadow mmm almost like it can’t
relax yeah it yeah it’s kind of set no even if I tell the spider unhook even if
she wants to unhook it’s almost like from the body of the spider to the edges
like the body looks more above the hook is the body and looks more biological
model I’ve and anything below the body like the rink and the it looks methyl
like it’s not there is no communication you know and it’s not that it’s not a
robotic arm it’s just metal pieces is not you know it is connected to them
yeah it’s disconnected kiss but not we can’t not mechanically connected not
mechanically not neurologically you know it’s just two different pieces you know so if you come back into the present I’m
interested in these elements disconnection rigidity tell me your experience right now just
try to look at the ridge like that towards you said this connection and
rigid ok so don’t think to her I don’t try too hard ok you know it’s a more
kind of relaxed process in a way because you know let’s just see what emerges so
to speak so I’m interested if I if I take a bit of a step into what would you
recognize or identify in your experience in your life and your relationship as
having some quality of that kind of disconnection or that rigidity well I’m
not in a relationship right now mm-hmm so disconnected
maybe my frustration with life my frustration with myself my choices definitely with like this a personal
adamant this frustration and is a more collective element with the stretch like
looking at what’s happening to the world and saying what the fuck are we doing
and then the same kind of thing is what the fuck am i doing you know so it’s it
to fold I mean like what’s unfolding right now as I’m saying about this
twofold hey it’s I don’t know it’s kind of coming like hello now it’s like like
life or it feels like puts me in a place that I have to you know make it for
myself for survival survival in a big ascencion just I don’t have an issue of
survival but you know just making it you know in the way that the where condition
to make it you know make money do this be successful and all my interest now
it’s more about what’s happening on the planet and can we wake up and just can
we start caring about each other and caring about the planet being in more
collective kind of loving mentality instead of some disconnection and greed
and me meaning me so it’s almost like I think it is a big conflict between the
two inside of me between the two slag metal conditioning like what what the
survival or success means in this society and what I’m cold you know like
I don’t have that the way like I don’t need this shit about trying to make
money and but I need it because you know we need to move in life you know but it
doesn’t inspire me like I you know like it’s almost like envisioned myself to be
inspired by it because then I can have what I want or then I can do what I want
but it doesn’t speak to my heart no in almost never did and I have the
pressure from what I see around especially being here in the US that
everybody has to be successful and I find your purpose and your purpose has
to do with finding your vocation and making it a profession and making it
successful and doing it better than everybody else with it’s completely out
of arrows out of love for me I think not fall in love with that right right and
yet that’s a voice which you have to contend with in January in external
right now yeah so maybe we can kind of represent these two voices is that the
right word for them okay um these two worlds is two forces these two voices
and so what would be a like a symbol of the voice of achieving maker and be
successful wait something is very strict in appearance it’s like either a man
with a suit and tie or vertical lines okay well let’s make it a man with a
suit no idiot okay and what would be to the image the embodiment of the world
and here also well the customers i have is i’m almost naked or maybe would like
this little thing that doesn’t worsen on a naked horse sorry on on the back of a
horse without set up shadow Ryan yeah and riding around see what’s happening
here happy now doing their up and run you know just the living this kind of yeah eating from the earth right or from
France you know meeting friends and I’ll see together together tribe yeah tribe
Mia okay so what I’m going to invite you to do if you’re okay with this is to to
play out an encounter between these two characters so what I’m thinking is we
can stand up and you can select even put them in the same space it’s interesting
how they gonna meet well that’s all they are and yet they’re kind of you
know warring within you so to speak so I’m putting them in nature in front of a
third you know it’s an open field I’d to know computers there’s no way the horse
can God’s know ok anyway what is it I guess it doesn’t know where you can go
exactly so that’s the setting is the open field yeah so if you’re okay we can
stand up and because i want you to embody these two positions chairs back
and um so okay so there’s two positions one is the you know you’re on the horse
and the other is you’re the man in the suit you’re perfect for the man under
severe even worse similar okay okay well I’ll stand this position where I go with
you okay yeah okay so I’m just going to be here all stiff and rigid and kind of
the man in suit botting that part you’re being dude on the horse of the loincloth
and the tribe so what do you want to say to me that’s the first thing that came
is done detective should tell first article me like that like that’s it so
if you do it in words like Samuel okay so yeah yeah I’m not doing it yeah don’t
worry about I’m not good yeah that’s in the words first so yeah it’s just the
first thing is like before you can have in a conversation it’s like taking the
tie off and putting the jacket down and just play you know just I just want to
apply that yeah I don’t apply I want to tickle over unsticking you yeah yeah
that’s the first and the as i’m doing this is also i’m aware that is a bigger
force next to me which is a horse mm-hmm which is very strong very tall it’s
brown today you master already step into that config your power yeah the course
is not in a hurry but is very strong because you can feel your strength yeah
i think that the hastiness isn’t the guy neither suit yeah you know it has two
down everything on time every time I believe the deadline yeah after
finishing tiniest serious yeah yeah okay serious and and and
it’s it’s it’s more likely the overwhelming quality of that man is have
to make it happen again tonight it’s like this I should I say yeah getting
which is very similar to what I’m experiencing is happening in big cities
you know like yeah colors in the whole series yeah I did it’s almost like
everything has to go to us okay so now what I want to do is physically swap I’m
going to stand in the horse position in understanding suit position ok ok so now
i’m here with recourse and my loincloth and i just want to tickle you and you’re
in the earth so yeah I will get angry with you yeah because it feels very
exposing you know to just be naked in nature I don’t know how to survive yeah
so just attack it all night- its kind of confronting fear no no actually so what
I look at you I actually will feel a bit safer oh yeah because because if i look
at you you give me a model that oh i can actually do this I mean someone else is
doing it wrong I like an actual ok well let’s stay with this thing ok so in fact
you you feel kind of comfortable in a sense with me is that right yes but if
you ask me to step ok now that’s ok you say over there and I’ll stay out here
yeah yeah yeah so so I feel comfortable looking at you like is that like I can
see your body in relation to me like your body is like more time minus more
wide yours is more muscular more healthy mine is more enemy Green Island it’s
like week yeah it’s not weak like because i’m going to the gym and it’s
but it feels like an Emmy keen on feels like other flight 14 you know something
young and the body are looking at it it’s the one in nature is more strong
it’s more grounded okay so you’re okay to be with me okay so let’s swap there’s also you know
looking at this body I’m feeling fierce coming up oh god I must have forgotten
something okay so stay with that feeling then breathe notice what the feelings
that are coming up oh it’s a longing yeah okay so stay with the longing and
stay connected to me keep your eyes open because all you know you longing for
something over here yeah i’m looking at the unit imagine if i’m right so keep it
present as much as you can so we stay in the relationship okay so you’re longing
is directed over here you’re you’re in this life and you’ve got the suit and
everything and yet you’re longing for this yeah it’s it reminds me something
up forgotten yeah take a breath so pretty with all those feelings difficult when i’m looking at you know
there’s me out Alwine i can see the night as a nation is keeps any stats
coming to close your eyes yeah whatever i should be present with this yes i’m
looking at you and I I’m reminded like is I’m looking at the body that is more
alive Kozma life and mine feels better yeah it’s that and they’re not looking
at the horse as well and I’m I know it’s difficult it’s dangerous for me to ride
that horse with his body hmm at the same time is also the attachment
with everything I have acquired you know my suit Maya my briefcase my laptop remotes of your identity and who you are
yeah Stan that’s being important to you so the longing of is there there’s a gap
between the locking and me actually imagining I can step into that place
yeah we’re different people in a sense you’re the guy in the suit as much as
you’ve got the longing and I’m over here I’m with the horse yeah and I can relate with the horse you know
but I cannot write it yes okay you know I can touch it I can talk to it I can
work with it I can even write it but I have to be you know you have to be
careful it’s to eat at my body it’s almost like the rigidity of my body
won’t give me balance on the rules yeah it needs to be more grounded they are
flexibly my body here to be on the horse you know okay okay so I want to swap now
okay I’m out of here I’m like cut the longing for where you are and remind me
and it’s the horse and I click connect with the horse and I’m kind of the to
Richard to really flow with it and I’ve got my my attachments my suitcase and my
achievements it’s happening for you over there in relation to me I’m almost then
you know how I want to give you another horse like for you to try right and
follow me that way well you know that that might work but I’m I’m stiff and
stiffness isn’t probably just gonna go away like me here I know I don’t have
any control over your choices like you have to choose under I’m just telling
you what time I wasn’t like to have in Manila for so I could company you or
yeah my way well I wanted to show you where I come from and how are you with
the factor arms stiff and white and Michael sad but it’s not them it’s kind of big touch
suddenly it’s not like I cannot happen explains it some more money yeah it I’m
not attached to you with your choice right yeah but i would like to show you
something behind swap okay okay so then it’s the Ghana suit and I’m saying like
getting a horse for you and show you some things with what’s already now my
shirt is a bit unbuttoned and then the jacket feels a bit more loose in my body
just like they need it I’m contemplating on it ah but they still like you know in
the what and what holds me back almost like you know you see the science
fiction movie that you’re cutting the kind of tentacles of slime yeah idea
it’s like or net yes it’s the city like nah it’s like it’s like I see the big
structures of the city and they also have like almost have a hold on me right
like they give me a false sense of security I think it’s the environment
I’m used to whom the structured yeah that’s wrong and then it’s something I am being the
freedom of the rider so this longing that the end date yeah it’s a little bit
of loosening and as your thing constricted a game that is well I can
see I’m constricted by my fear it now yeah that’s what’s familiar than Julia
Graham at your solidity better area yeah you know the strings that about me to
the sea they are mine strings yeah it’s not the city’s to show okay it looked
like it was the city strings but I realize it’s the power I get to the end
structure oh I respect that I mean that is that judging it better that is your
ground that is your support it has been your strength it’s done yeah but it’s
almost like mental it’s my ground no physically it’s just my body’s not Fe
you know what no you know but you know where this one you know the thoughts of home having I
was like wow I can put some of my stuff in the cabin in the woods they’ll have
to take everything okay yeah I can feel the I can hear the the impulse and the
desire to move in this direction so what if you just take just take a little step
to symbolize that like just see what that’s like just take even a half a step yeah i mean the first thing I have to
deal with is the tension of period that we the things that I was going over
there that’s real I talk to me about some of this attachments and it’s just a structure of the city of
human being used to being a controlled environment so just to an experiment take a half
step back okay so it’s two tensions the one is more visible in the physical
sense which is these things I told me to the city when I step back I feel that my
female belonging of my lunch and stretch I’m going further away so there’s also
it’s almost in the front is one line but thick one ride and it’s intangible Ryan
but it’s also very vulnerable okay so now when should you take like a quarter
step forward and just feel that the two connecting places that draw here and the
pull back there just experiment with even rocking back and forth just it
gives some mobility so you can that’s even better you can rock a little this
way to really enter this and then rock back into the support of the city and
just experience what that’s like to feel the pull both ways if your friend here so without breaking away or you know
definitively committing yourself either way experience what it’s just like to
feel the pools gets a lot safer it’s almost like a bark pool has more real
energy like more Monster than energy but from pool is more feminine manager is
like okay so just lean into those energies and Phil it’s like to between them yes so this is like the solidity of this
one and the elusiveness of this Moses tells me now that I have to pay more
attention for this to be connected with that fool couldn’t have to pay more
attention because it’s easy to become invisible mm-hmm this port be coming to
this yeah yeah the back one is more visible and one solid is ok now it’s
more tangible Jana so just stay if this feels good to stay with the awareness
both ways the tangible pull of that the back in the city and the elusive
important pull forward for the paradox is that the softer pull
is stronger and the harder pull this weaker mm-hmm but in the perceptions
like if that feels that is the solid one movement but when I focus is like others
not no comparison listen man the power the force any force and power until you
feel in your body is you rock between the two well I fill my upper back you
know that little strings are attached to my upper back frontal sophomore and most
of it is like there’s no straining in the food from the front it’s very gentle
and all the strings upper back hmm corrado bouncing like half code number
bands of that tension some of them are snappy I’m sound of a micro nice nap but so the
sounds did I like when I snap I didn’t hear somehow i’m not good with the song
is that Maury much easier thinking any sensation can see them snapping yeah the
sensation is I don’t feel much you know just feel the relaxed like the lesser
greet right okay yeah it’s a quick question that flies
around as I’m doing this process mm-hmm it’s like and I don’t know if it’s this
is sheriff and safety or Inlet say really that can I live in both but i’m
not sure if i want to live in both you know it’s not clear right well that
that’s absorbing your mind I guess I’m more just with experience experience as
you move between both yeah up front it’s soft you know it’s not it’s always
available it’s like a big like reverb now the pools like flows very gentle you
know back is more thanks like I can physically feel it on mine below the
soul blades and around the Saudi well this right now is living with both
in this moment this is your experience of living with both yes I guess yeah
just just like what this is remind me it’s like I have to pay attention in the
one that’s less visible you know but it’s strong you know its present one of
that will affect my decision to look okay well it’s um see it again so I mean
this isn’t this isn’t something which is like going to be resolved this is an
ongoing process of awareness it seems to me of now I’m done with it yeah but some
things a little crisper is like there’s a settling yeah i think but this is more
seems kind of an evolutionary process yeah and yeah you know I this like I’m
not in the mentality than one single step to enlightenment Casey but it’s
more about understanding and the process and flowing with it you know so what do
you feel now around the chest area where there’s not the hastiness is not
there maybe a little bit the anxiety but a bit
less in the solar plexus and definitely the day awareness of that bigger softer
pool back back you know there is a bit cliche but it’s like follow your heart
basically and just be even before you followed you know just listen it listen
to your heart so that mechanical spider thing restricting you always the spider
a ok so the spider is now like a nice big tarantula with the and I don’t have
a like spiders chill and so it’s alive and it still has its closing but now
it’s the it’s it’s biological yeah it’s not it’s a last night news the body has
more a form because before it was just to round things it’s nice and hairy it sounds like a pet now it is software
warmer and it’s not the best image for many
people but I lines writers as I said all right yeah yeah mascot they’re
definitely one it’s much more easier energy she can you know if she said pull
out the clothes if you know she lost control yeah I am I mean I can see it
she can do that easily you know and she’s starting downwards and yes band also the the image of the
city became more aware of that structure behind me now ok
okay we’ll finish that process for now all right thank you yeah thank you and
that’s just to stay there for a moment because I want to just give an
opportunity for that you know you had a bit of feedback in terms of ok you know
so I’m going to invite you to just share whatever you want to in terms of your
experience not not so much like thinking or evaluating or anything but more just
the emotional impact of watching that process took Theo something about that
to share that with him I just felt like the more you SAT with it and eased into
it the softening just kind of natural occurred and what impact did that happen you I
guess I softening in myself as well this more patience patient feeling present because of just reminded that going
through something observing someone else’s process really brought up my own
reminders to myself just observing someone else’s process and some of the
things that were coming up for me was mmm anything too rigid causes
disconnection and to universe to myself that’s become so rigid and then I become
disconnected as if they kind of go together no one causes the rigidity
causes the disconnection mmm and sometimes it for me going into fear is
constricting again those two go together as well but any kind of fearful
situation causes me to go like this and become rigid and constricted that should
be momentary you know just kind of like they caught its prime while you’re
trying to figure out what to do next here and the other thing that came up
for me because I hear it all the time you’re talking to people about how do we
see all the negativity in the world if you want we don’t want to we don’t want
to put our life force into that just don’t have the energy toward anyone and
but then for me it’s like okay so using it as a mirror what can I do in my own
life every day every minute every hour how can I take what I don’t like and
switch it into something positive minute by minute hour by hour but it’s
ecologically or whatever it is and just making those choices and thinking about
them helped me to just in the moment relax into it okay so I have to look for
the light the small little things that’s what’s going to help me to not be
fearful and rigid and disconnected all those things yes
going through your process i was going to my own okay

Author: Kennedi Daugherty

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