Femme Talks: Biphobia in the Lesbian Community

Femme Talks: Biphobia in the Lesbian Community


Hello there, Brieann and I are house sitting/puppysitting
for my father so we’re at his house and I decided to film here and that
is what’s going on. This video, I have been procrastinating so long on it mainly because I

Author: Kennedi Daugherty

100 thoughts on “Femme Talks: Biphobia in the Lesbian Community

  1. I don't see what the problem is. I'm a bisexual woman who would never date another bisexual woman or man.
    I prefer lesbian women and straight men.

  2. You are my hero for this video. Thank you. It's been really hard for me as a bisexual. Straight men only seem to want to have sex (not date, or the don't understand that just because I'm bi it doesn't mean I wanna have a threesome), most bisexual women I sleep with prefer men when it comes to full-on relationships (and I prefer women because I click emotionally with women more so than men), and lesbians act like those in Arielle's video. So honestly, I have no clue where I even belong anymore and it's been really difficult.

  3. I'm a lesbian and I have nothing against bi girls, I just wouldn't date one. That's just my personal preference. I don't want to date a girl who also likes dick in her mouth. But that's just me. 🙂 There's nothing wrong with not dating bi girls simply because you are not attracted to them.

  4. Thank you so much for making this video! I have been so confused as to why a number of Lesbians are so insistent that bisexuality is perhaps not real (or that they are greedy!?). It doesn't make sense, it is exactly what the mainstream has done to the gay community. Lesbians are not bisexuals so they cannot judge what it feels like.

  5. You didn't mention at all how the videos were used to illustrate the point that we shouldn't just people based on their sexuality. How can you agree with someone and call them a bigot in the same interview. You're pretty condescending. I'm pan and when you say "I will welcome you into this community" and mention yourself 10 times in :30 seconds. First off, you're not the queen of gayness; you can't gate keep something else from me. I never voted for a welcoming comittee and I sure wouldnt've voted for someone who doesn't understand how opinions work.
    "I want you to be here; I want you to know that." It kinda seems like this was just a video to say you're better than some other lesbians.
    Sorry girl, I don't mean to attack but I wanted to watch your video; biphobia is crazy. However, when I started watching I realized you were doing the same thing so many other youtubers do: pick apart a video and just make the other person look horrible by (un)intentionally completely misinterpreting what the video was supposed to make you feel. You and Arielle are in agreement; don't tear her apart; she's cute.

  6. Thanks a lot for this video!! (:
    I hope more lesbians were like you "pretty and smart"! I have been rejected many times by girls for being bi 🙁

  7. Youre right, but my EX-bisexual girlfriend is into a patriarchal idea and I abhore it. Im happy i broke up with her so and get rid of insecurity. Whats the diff about man and woman anyways…I have a high paying secured job in a hospital , more educated than the men she dated and more hotter. But the idea she harbors is a big turn off. So NO. I know my preference better. In the end, its your own happiness thats matter.

  8. Thank you for this video!! I'm scared of coming out as bi, the majority of my friends know nothing… I'm just afraid they'll think I'm in a "phase" or that "I just haven't met the right man/woman" … I'm 24 and I know who I am. I want to have a steady relationship so badly, but when I told my previous partners nobody took me seriously or just left me

  9. Thank you for calling out that shit. And thank you for putting together a reasoned and thoughtful statement about it.

  10. this made me cry because you spoke the pure truth. I'm Bi and been told I'm greedy and that I need to choose one or the other, you are an amazing woman, I'm happy to know you support the bisexuality, you are great thank you thank you thank you so so so much

  11. I think you explained this really well 🙂 I'm a bisexual woman and I've been very lucky in that my bisexuality really hasn't affected my dating life. (But then again, I have extremely good taste 😉 ) I've experienced a lot of confusion from other people though, so just to debunk a few myths:

    We aren't greedy – we just appreciate the beauty of both men and women! 🙂
    We are no more or less likely to cheat than anyone else – trust that if we're dating YOU, then we want and appreciate YOU! <3
    We LOVE LADIES!!! So the idea that we'd leave you for a man, on the basis that he's a man, is just silly.
    We're not confused – just inclusive! 😛

    Hope this helps anyone out there that hasn't had a lot of first-hand experience with bisexuals and believes the stereotypes <3

  12. When I watched the Arielle video it made me sad because I use to respect her and watch her videos a lot… but that was very upsetting to me.

    I am ftm transgender and pansexual, so I've dealt with a lot of discrimination outside of the community and within the LGBT community… and tbh it often hurts more when it's a person that should understand, like a gay man or a lesbian woman.. because in my opinion they should know how hard it is to be queer in our society today, but yeah I often see this in the community because people don't feel good about themselves so they will push someone that in their opinion is "lower" then them, down.

    However there are always people that do care and understand… whether they are LGBT or not. Those people are awesome, and you are definitely one of those people. Thanks for addressing this issue. 🙂 Makes me feel better seeing that there are people talking about biphobia and how serious it is.

  13. As a bisexual, this brought me so much relief. When I first fully realized that I was bi, my first reaction was a sense of fear. I understood that I could never be accepted anywhere, not by gay women and not by straight men. I thought, "have I just claimed an aspect of my identity that prevents me from finding someone I love to spend the rest of my life with. I am currently dating a man that I am in love with, and I still finding myself answering questions about how much sex I have had and with which gender. My boyfriend has been told, "Woah your girlfriend is bi, she must be really into threesomes". Bisexuality is this strange paradox of being attracted to many beautiful different types of people, while being labeled as slutty and not straight enough for hetero relationships, and not queer enough for gay ones.

    This video and people I love such as my boyfriend and friends have given me some hope for how our community is not only gaining visibility, but also respect.

  14. I am so glad that you acknowledged the bisexuals in that response video who didn't seem to be calling out the hate and were more… excusing it because "oh well maybe they were cheated on by a bisexual in the past" or whatever and it was bothering me but I couldn't articulate why.

  15. I had a girlfriend who was so biphobic that I just had to cut her out of my life because she was not open to changing her bigoted opinions. She thought in the same ugly way that this video describes and I believe has destroyed any positivity in both our relationship and those of other bisexuals she has dated. As the saying goes: with friends like that, who needs enemies?

  16. And, of course, Femgasm, this was a meaningful video and I thank you for spreading this kind of reason and love! 😀

  17. Be careful saying that bisexual people are "on the bottom". Trans people experience much less privilege than bi people. Don't forget the t

  18. Thank you so much!! I'm a bisexual girl, and I only just came to terms with my sexuality recently. When I found out what some lesbians think of bisexuals, it really upset and discouraged me. After being locked in the closet for so long, I'd kind of accepted that many straight people hate bisexuals for no good reason. But I never would've imagined the same kind of hatred coming from lesbians, who know what it's like to be hated for their sexuality. It was a slap in the face, and gave me so much anxiety about liking women and wanting to date them.
    The fact that lesbians like you exist gives me hope. I think all this hatred and aggression between bisexuals and lesbians is ridiculous – if we want to achieve anything, we must work together. <3

  19. Lots of the gay and lesbian community also pick on us asexuals. Saying that we are repressing our sexuality or we are actually gay or we don't deserve to be in the LGBT+ community because we are oppressed enough/aren't real. I feel for bisexuals a lot.

  20. ajjj I'm tired of bisexuals, they only use homosexual people to have sex, but they still prefer love people of other gender , I tire to handdle al the internal problems of bisexual people , and an free advicw First know, what u want and then looking for that, Don't experiment with gay people because It really hurts…

  21. God I love you so much…. You made me cry a little! Finally! Someone believes in my sexuality! Biophobia is real. Honestly.

  22. I really appreciate you for this video, this is in fact the very first vid of yours that I see. I already watched those videos you're talking about and it's frustrating because I'm also used to hear those "arguments" (if you can call them that) oh yup, I'm bisexual, and even my mom thinks this is just a phase, that I'm too Young to know that and that eventually I will just be straight "again" as if I had to pick one or the other. So eventhough this is really sweet of you, and again I thank you for doing this, we're kind of used to this and it doesn't matter what they think and/or say, we are still gonna be the same "greedy people" they think we are right now. Besides of that, we still know there are a lot of homosexual people out there that respect us as human beings as well. To those who don't? I'm sorry you are that closed minded, you should not be such an asshole.

  23. I think the problem these certain lesbians had, besides bad experiences that condemn the whole minority (brought to my mind an excuse for racism I once heard "They're all bad! I've met only one and he raped my friend!"), is their view on gender. For bisexuals, the line between a man and a woman is often more blurry. They like both the same way, so it just simply does not matter which gender a person feels like fits them. It's as irrelevant as a hair or eye color or whether they like cats or not. A person might have a preferation, such as blonde women, but then have a huge crush on a brunette woman, even fall in love and start a life together. Or you might not have a certain type on, lets say, cat-loving. I've never met a person who only likes people who love cats, I bet there is someone out there, but anyway, this is just an example. Hair color and opinion about cats mean as much to a bisexual than a person's gender. We fall for people, not genitalia or gender identity.

  24. Thank you for posting this video. But I'd like to correct you on one thing….not all Bisexual women cheat. Some Bisexual women are manogamous, some are even celibate. I watched the referenced video and the women, if you can call them that were just bitter hateful dried up old hags. I suspect that cheating isn't the main reason they are bitter. I think the main reason they are bitter is because they don't like the idea that Bisexual females vaginas may have been invaded by men (SHOCK, HORROR!). I've heard plenty of Lesbians say that they think penises are gross but there are plenty of women like these who "experimented" with men before they decided what their SO is and there are others who claim to be Lesbian but supposedly have slept with men so they can get pregnant. This just shows you how hypocritical Biphobic Lesbians are. It's okay if they want to try penises or use one to have a baby, but if a Bisexual female admits to having been with a man or men, then she's disgusting or greedy or immediately labeled as being a lying, cheating, slut. That's wrong!!!!

  25. Thank you for publically validating my sexuality. As a bisexual who is in a relationship with a lesbian, I feel this needs to be said more than once to the LGBT+ community. I am monogamous. I am not a cheater. I am not greedy or selfish or wrong. I am not afraid to say that I am attracted both sexually and romantically fulfilled by both sexes in different but equally satisfying ways. When I am with a man, I am with him. When I am with a woman, I am with her. I am attracted to the person inside the body, not just the body. I have been asked innumerable times if I am just too afraid to admit that I am gay. I have been asked if I am straight but experimenting. I am neither. I am bisexual. I like men and women… Just not in the same bed. I have had positive and negative experience with lesbians.. But also with straight men afraid I will cheat with a woman. I am tired of the double standard. My sexuality is mine. I can't change it any more than you can change being gay or straight. I am no more likely to cheat than anyone of any other sexuality. In fact, I have been cheated on more by both straight and gay people that I ever thought possible. Just thanks for letting people see there is more than just a few opinions. I have also been accepted and loved for who I am. I have been encouraged and cared for. I have been loved by both women and men. I am me.

  26. Hey as a bifemale who has only recently been coming out and has been trying to explore this side of myself… And who has been pretty sad and disappointed to find that I face discrimination from both the straight community and gay community. Who was first proud/and excited to finally share my experience and identity with people I thought would understand but has learned that I should be quiet the hard way… I really appreciate hearing words of support and acceptance. It means a lot. It's extremely frustrating to finally figure out your identity to have a found a word to describe it and then to be made to feel like a unicorn by both sides. And then if they believe we exist we are automatic cheaters and whores. I mean personally that is the exact opposite of myself. It really sucks that not only do I have to struggle with the problems I already have such as depression, anxiety, self esteem and do to those three weight loss as well but on top of that this looming stigma.

  27. GREAT VID… The rationalization that lesbians don't want the 'competition from men too' shows their insecurity, period. I've heard that exact excuse from my lesbian friend. I'm bisexual. Let me tell you that a lesbian girl should be concerned about her GF leaving her for another girl before she leaves her for a dude. Just sayin..

  28. I wanted to say thank you for this video. I am a pansexual woman myself, not completely out, and it speak volumes knowing there are lesbian out there who do accept me for me. I am so unbelievably greatful to know that you are such a kind, caring, and inclusive person. I know there are more people out there who share your views and I am glad to see someone speak there mind on the subject. thank you

  29. You're a nice person, and this video is nice.
    I don't think it's enough anymore for one group to just fight for the rights of their own group. I think what everyone needs to do is try to be allies to everyone else, because no matter what lot you got in life there will always be someone out there who has gone through or has to go through things that you don't understand. And the only way to stop people being treated badly for stupid reasons is to take into account what other people have to deal with.
    Also realize the privileges that everyone has (because no matter what group you are in you will have some), and think about why all these things happen. Then we can all slowly get better together.

    I am bi and I have heard stuff like this a lot, now and in the past. But the difference was in the past i didn't know that these people where wrong, i believed them. And because of that I was not able to, and still sometimes have problems with accepting my sexuality for what it is. Thank you for caring.

  30. In my opinion, Arielle was trying to bring the discussion to the community about the stereotypes. It was not that she was telling that bisexuals were greedy or confused. The opposite, she was trying to confront the lesbians about the real reasons that will make them label bi people as so. I like your video as well. I feel that the message is very similar, only with a different approach…

  31. Perhaps this is not the forum for this discussion, but I think my issue with bisexuality is how some people try to equate the struggles of bisexuals with that of gay men or lesbians. The struggles are not the same. If I were to hold my girlfriend's hand in public, I would receive dirty looks and probably some nasty comments, something that a bi woman would not experience when holding hands with her boyfriend. I was recently at a diversity event where one of the "diverse" women said she was bi. However, she is engaged to marry a man. Sure your sexuality does not change once you are married, but how would anyone ever know she was bi after getting married if she never went out of her way to tell them. To me, this is something that makes the experiences of bi people and gay people drastically different. And perhaps this is part of the reason many lesbians harbor some animosity or fail to see the hypocritical nature many commenters have mentioned. Just a thought.

  32. I really appreciate this video. As a bisexual I feel pretty excluded from the LGBT community a lot of the time. But I don't belong in the 'straight' community. I really want to be accepted and not judged for who I am. I am not a cheater. I'm a great partner. I feel it's so silly that me being able to love someone for who they are and not caring about gender or sex is seen as this negative. This video gave me hope that maybe not everyone will judge or exclude me for simply being me.

  33. You were probably right about Arielle posting videos for views since she blocked you from commenting

  34. I've been feeling really depressed right now. The cause? Well, I told my mom about my bisexuality. Of course, she was fine when she heard that, in fact, she was perfectly happy that I would talk about that with her! The thing is, it's the thing she said after she discovered it that made me depressed. My entire family is Christian, and are very strong about their beliefs. I'm an atheist though. My mom told me that it's best that I don't tell the rest of the family. Especially not my grandparents, because they're "not ready". Not even my dad, even though he doesn't really believe in God either. It really pains me that I have to hide my identity to my family, and it's even more painful that I currently love a girl who already has a boyfriend. So I won't even be able to hide it by "pretending to be straight". I don't want to pretend to be straight. I'm not straight. I hate the fact that it'll have to be that way until "they're ready", and God knows when they will be. It sucks to be me.

  35. I just found your channel and I was wondering if you have a video on femme invisibility. 😮 I saw you mentioned femme invisibility in the description, but I haven't had the opportunity to browse through all of your videos yet!
    Thank you! ^~^

  36. All Bi's incur rejection from every quarters; men as well as women. A man can be the captain of the football team, and have sex with a dozen women, but if he has sex with one man, to het men and women alike, he becomes a "Queer." End of story. Yet to gay men, the bi man is still "not gay enough." I do not see this attitude changing soon.

  37. This video is fantastic!
    Thank you so much, it's so wonderful you're spreading this important message.
    There should be no hate in the LGBTQA(etc) community. 🙂
    Sincerely,
    a Bi/Pan/Queer/Demisexual person 😀

  38. Thank you! I felt really discouraged and sad when I watched Arielle's video. I have only recently, at 23, come out and I have only had two relationships, both with men but I really want to date a woman. After watching that video, I felt like, if this is how lesbians actually feel about bisexuals then they're never going to give me a chance because the fact that I'm still a virgin when it comes to women makes it look like I'm just a stupid little straight girl playing games when really, I just haven't had the opportunity. Thank you for giving me a little hope for finding a woman.

  39. Thank you!!!!! Love and attraction are love and attraction…regardless of race, religion, sex…I believe Angelina Jolie addressed this very topic. Thank you for being AWESOME!!!!

  40. while i don't agree with you getting super angry at Arielle for making the videos i do feel extremely happy that you responded and you definitely helped me and a lot of other people i can see in the comments with this feel more secure about being bisexual. the reason i'm glad Arielle made the videos she made was because while i did see how they could hate us for our sexual orientation i also saw how they could easily learn to accept us when presented with a good argument, and how i wasn't alone at all. it even got you making this video which i am very thankful for.

    i personally wish that we could just ignore orientation until someone hits on you. you shouldn't have to be forced to share your orientation, don't get me wrong i'm proud but it would help with the judgment from outsiders, it would ensure that when getting into a relationship, no one would just assume i'm a slut because i can date both genders, and find someone else instead. but i get that a lot of people may be angered if they find out later you like both genders and then they can become suspicious and untrusting. i suppose it will never really work out perfectly for everyone after all, so what shal LGBT(etc.) change the B to? since it seems being Bi doesn't actually count in the community. guys the B didn't stand for Bananas we are here and we are real!

  41. Thank you so much for making this video it makes me feel a lot better about my sexuality, my friend (the only one I've come out of the closet to) often use the example 'you like cats and dogs, do you see me telling you NO you have to choose one! Cats or Dogs not both' but thanks a lot Im only 12 so like I'm just sitting here like, I just like both what's wrong with that were both trying to fit into society why are you causing more problems by being a biphobic eh? Once again thanks a lot this video made me feel happier since I watched the what lesbians think of bisexuals video like 20 minutes ago :p

  42. Beautiful video! As a pan person I am really thankful that you took the time to talk about this and were not afraid of it (being a lesbian girl). Arielle's video is awful and she loves to block and/or respond harshly to criticisms. She has been called out multiple times, especially for being transphobic, and the worst thing is that she never listens and she believes she is the best ally in the planet. I used to follow and admire her, but those days are over. This is the first time I watch one of your videos. I really love the way you express yourself and communicate what is in your mind to the audience. I'm definitely subscribing to your channel. I know I just met you but I already love you <3

  43. The problem with female bisexuality is that much of it is an act designed to titillate men. I can understand why genuine lesbians don't like it.

    Fake female bisexuals tend to resent genuine bisexual men because the latter are real.

  44. E.E Cummings once said that "love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last then star." Ultimately love is love we have no choosing in who or what gender they are. That is what most people forget.

  45. there is no biphobia. bisexuals constantly whine about this. why can't lesbians want to date just lesbians? why don't bisexuals just date other bisexuals!! stop blaming lesbians

  46. lol Oh honey you know you love the penis , Lesbians aren't stupid .
    Why shouldn't a lesbian not want to date a party girl aka Bi girl

  47. I've recently come out as bisexual to family. . Actually, I did today. I'm attracted to both men and woman and I told my dad this, saying that if I fall in love with a woman I fall in love with a woman. I fall in love with a man I fell in love with one. I don't care about the gender, I care that this person makes me feel loved and is as committed as I am. I'm not looking for sex or going to cheat. Finding this out scares me because now I'm scared I'll get turned down by a woman I find so beautiful just because I'm into men too. I'm only a teenager and I'm still choosing this path. But for a community that is supposed to be accepting, I already don't feel so accepted. I'm even nervous to go to a pride parade because I'm nervous if I won't be accepted in a community I'm now and forever will be apart of. Happily I have an amazing and understanding family and friends. I'm not going through a fase and I'm not confused. I love both men and woman equally. Understand that please.

  48. OH my god bisexuals are the biggest fucking whiners in the world, I swear. Especially bi women with boyfriends. Oh, a few lesbians rejected you and people don't see exactly who you are deep down when you walk down the street? Oh BOO FUCKING HOO I'm a femme lesbian and I dont whine about invisibility all day even though my day to day life is much harder than yours.

  49. No. It's great. If that's their response to bisexuals, then I don't have to waste another second with them. I have no interest in spending any time with insecure bigots.

  50. Omg thank you so much for this. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you put this out there. I am and always will be proud to be a bisexual, a femme, and a member of our LGBT family. I stand up for lesbians and everyone else in our family too.

  51. I get biphobic comments from my so called friend all the time who is a lesbian. Its not only her but other people I've tried to be open with about my sexuality as well. It sucks because she's in the LGBT community but I cant talk to or be open with her cause she's biphobic. I live in a very biphobic Community as well. Last time I went to Pride I had biphobic and ignorant things said to me by people in the LGBT community and dirty looks. It's so hurtful. I just pretend I'm straight because I'm afraid of what people will say if I come out fully. I'm trying to love myself but it's difficult. Thank you for making this video and speaking about this subject<3 It's nice to see lesbians on our side for once <3 <3 <3

  52. im bisexual and i dont care what people think .i never ask to be bisexual ,i mean you cant controll your heart, the damn thing just wont listen LOL

  53. I have had such a hard time as a bisexual. I dated a lesbian, and had such a wonderful experience with her and she couldn't enjoy the experience because of her insecurity and fear. I would say I'm 70 – 30 , 70% attracted to women, and 30% attracted to men.
    I still felt hurt, but that's been my experience ever since I came out….

  54. I don't have a biphobia, I just don't only want to see someone when their heterosexual partners says so.

  55. One of the problems with female bisexuality is that many women fake it for attention. This makes genuine lesbians angry, and for a good reason. There's nothing worse than seeing a woman use her sexuality as a marketing ploy to obtain a reward from men.

  56. I'm bisexual in a LTR with a man. Tried to join a networking group for queer women on meetup. Just received an email from a coordinator very politely informing me that they were searching for "women only interested in dating women." I thought bi counted as queer. :/

  57. That video really, really hurt me. I'm a biromantic asexual, and just the whole idea of "I don't want to be anywhere a dick has been" is just horrible for so many reasons.

  58. Exactly! Having a penis puts you on top of the hierarchy, which is why bisexual men are seen as "really gay," bisexual women are "really straight," and lesbians "just haven't found the right man."

  59. Because lesbians are tired of being burned by bi women. Bisexual women are a slap in the face to female sexuality period.

  60. The thing that bothers me most about this whole debate, is the "choose men/women over women/men".

    If I date a woman, I'm not "choosing her over men", if I'm dating a man I'm not "choosing him over women".
    I'm choosing THEM over ANYONE ELSE I could be dating. To me, it's not a choice between one or the other, it's one person over a multitude of people regardless of their gender or sex.

  61. If you're bisexual then good for you,i won't mind being just a friend but nothing else,i recently had to end a friendship i had with a bisexual woman,she has a fiancee and she ended up liking me,i did nothing to make her end up liking me romantically though i just behaved how i normally do which is be a gentilwoman.

    I'm not about breaking up noones relationship or remaining friends with someone whose in a relationship that caught feelings for me,this part i know won't sound great but…..i won't date a bisexual because i like giving oral and i scorn people who suck dick so if you're giving me oral then ofcourse you gave it to a guy before and it would be hard for me to kiss you and i like kissing and i won't be able to give oral because i would feel odd knowing a penis been there and from multiple men over time.🤫

  62. Thank you for this video. As a bisexual woman I am so tired of lesbians I am attracted to being afraid that I will "find a man and leave them".

  63. Welcome to the new world where
    Bisexuals are told they are "not good enough"
    Asians and blacks qre told they are "not diverse enough."
    Women are told they are not "gender diverse enough."

    LGBT community that preaches acceptance and love wants to disavow bisexuals for not being gay enough.

    I don't belong in this world anymore.

  64. I saw your video aunt thank you for standing up us bisexuals I can't tell you how much I thank you

  65. Bisexuals deserve more respect in the lgbt community. We always feel left out and that we’ll only be accepted if we date the same gender. Why can’t we just date for personality? And when I speak my mind about this, they turn away from me and call me a homophobe

  66. Monosexist people are only attracted to one gender and they just can't possibly imagine that everyone is not like them. The height of arrogance.

  67. getting really tired of being a bi guy propped up by these biphobic bi women in order to suit their cause while they defend they gay male friends!!

    You never step up for us so deal with it!!!

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