AUTISM in GIRLS: 5 Social Anxiety Traits (YOU need to know)

AUTISM in GIRLS: 5 Social Anxiety Traits (YOU need to know)

in this video we’ll be looking at autism
in girls on specifically five social anxiety trait coming up okay I’m Dan I
have Asperger syndrome ADHD OCD dyslexia I make weekly videos on this type of
content so if you’re new around here and wanna learn more consider subscribing
hey guys I’m Charl and I have a diagnosis of autism and today I’m gonna be sharing
some personal experience of my social anxiety traits leave us a comment in the
comment section below let us know if you’re on the spectrum or if your like a
person who has a loved one or whatever on the spectrum and you’re looking at this
video to kind of gain some healp and experience for them
hey guys welcome back to The Aspie World I’m super awesome to actually have a
guest here today this is the first collab I’ve done this year I’ve never
had another influencer so Charl is actually quite well known for her MTV
show on just tattoo of us which I’ll leave some links down below and some
stuff on the screen here if you want to see that also she runs a really cool
Instagram account but importantly she’s launching a YouTube channel so I’ll be
leaving the link that in the description below that you all have to go down and
subscribe and show some love because we need more females on the spectrum on
this platform so super cool we wanted to do a video for awhile and one of the
things we wanted to do was talk about autism and girls and different things so
we decided to talk about social anxiety since it’s such a huge issue or it’s a
big well talked about topic but I feel like it’s not as talked about for girls
you know I feel like it’s always male-dominated as always males kind of
doing this than the other so in this video we’re literally talking about
Charls perspective perspective of those traits and her personal insight and
things like that so I think this can be really valuable to all of you guys so
we’re gonna go through five different things and just really sum it up by the
end of it and talk about our discussion and if you wanna jump in at any single
time and add anything in put it in the comment section below and give this
video a thumbs up if you’re enjoying this type of content so number one is
masking so Charl do you want to take us through a little bit about masking and
some of your personal insight an experaince with that so one of the things that
affects me is masking and this is something that I’d say most women do on
the spectrum actually and it’s very really common trait and basically it’s
hiding your traits and pretending to be a version of yourself that it’s socially
acceptable masking and hiding my traits so that the other person can’t suspect
anything odd or weird or anything and what I tend to do is I copy and mimic
other people’s behavior so that I can represent a socially acceptable version
of myself would you say that this is you pick up masking from watching like TV
and film because this is an interesting topic like would you say that you
learned social kind of masking from like mimicking people on movies it’s basically
from use of being rejected socially and so you take characteristics from other
people you’re adopting other people’s behavior and characteristics and
applying it to your own it’s basically just lying a putting on a front you so you’re
pretending to be somebody else you’re pretending to be something that is
socially acceptable so that you can connect with someone else but then
you’re actually hiding your true selves what kind of effect is what kind of
effect is there’s actually masking have on you as a person so if you go through
your day and you’re masking obviously you’re not being comfortable in your own
skin and you’re not being you what repercussions can that have well those
had massive repercussions on me especially as an adult because over the
years it’s something that I’ve done so long that you start to lose sense of
self and this actually led to me having identity problems because I was hiding
my traits so often and putting on this front where I was somebody completely
different just to fit in that I didn’t know who actually was that’s fascinating
because like I think one of the main factors for why females have been not as
diagnosed as males is because masking is apparent and they say oh well you know
that they’re fine here to find their or whatever you know it’s it’s weird that
it’s now what like masking was a thing that we didn’t even know existed but is
now that we’re able to put an actual name to it and say this thing quite
fascinating it’s a bit of a tricky thing as well and I know that there’s
not a lot out there on women on the spectrum especially so that’s why I’m
doing my bit to raise awareness so the reason it’s a tricky thing is because
it’s a massive trait but it also goes against being diagnosed so if you’re
actively seeking a diagnosis then you’re so good at hiding it that sometimes not
even a professional can diagnose you because you can’t see it so good
especially as an adult as well on the spectrum you get so used to hiding your
traits that you are now this brilliant actress that you didn’t even know and
another thing about masking is that like you develop coping or like workaround
strategies right so this is this is something I found fascinating so in
terms of like a lot of people say oh I go undiagnosed for X amount of years and
they say oh I didn’t know you had an issue with that but then they make like
workaround coping mechanisms for instance like if you were you didn’t
like okay you don’t want to talk you get anxiety on the phone to order
pizza yeah anytime we had to be anywhere with you wanna order pizza you’d always
say oh can you do for me I just gotta go to the toilet or I’m just
gonna go to do something simple things like that would to pick up the phone and I can’t
make conversation on the phone I can’t do anything that requires an immediate
response because I find that it’s far too much pressure so I let somebody else do
it or for example if I have to pay for an item
I’ll let somebody else do it you know it’s little things yeah yeah definitely
I think that it just fascinates me and I think that this is one of the reasons
why we’re having a huge gap in the amount of females to males being actually
diagnosed but I think that gap is smaller getting smaller small now and
so having the things like the National Autistic Society have a new program and
training program for autism in girls but it’s really good and people like
yourself doing more advocacy on it it’s gonna be awesome okay so number two is selective mutism
do you wonna’ talk to us a bit about selective mutism
yeah selective mutism it’s something that affects me mainly when I’m in
groups of people so one to one speaking to someone I’m pretty good I’m actually
pretty great especially if we’ve got something in common to talk about
otherwise not really this is actually something that led to
my diagnosis because while I was away filming from MTV I went out for meal as a
group with some of the other artists and I literally became stuck I was trapped
inside of myself and it got to a point where I was so overwhelmed by everything
in my in my environment and socially especially that I physically couldn’t
speak and it’s hard because when you’re trying to explain this a server because
you have to be in that situation to experience it and there’s nobody can
test it really so how often do you say you experience kind of selective mutism
and what type of situations would you experience it and probably like some
bizarre reason it tends to be more around people my own age I’m not sure if
that’s because I said there were people our age maybe I think it’s because if
maybe you feel like expect it to be a certain way around people your age the
act and behave a certain way yeah and acting a certain way being that
kind of a typical person when you’re not typical person so you might feel like
you know I can’t contribute to this situation and so you just kind of climb
up for something I don’t know I’m just trying to figure out but it’s
fascinating I’ve experienced it and it wasn’t it said it to me work what’s apping
talking about doing this video and talk about different thingsoh selective
mutism and I’ve experienced this when I go to Naomi’s mum’s house and we
have like I do at family dinners or family dinners just like she’ll say Dan you
don’t speak like you don’t why do you engage why you not speaking and
stuff I’m like I have no idea like I did to be social and I have to make
conversation and then you’re applying even more pressure on your side yeah and
it’s just boils down to okay this is never gonna happen I guess like I always
have this really intense fear of being judged on anything that I say so then
it’s it the point where it’s so bad and I’ve
clammed up so much that anything I do actually say like anything since I can
actually go give myself a little pat on the back I mean I can appreciate that
and you know it’s difficult thing to overcome so I mean maybe you’re noticing
this in say you’re a parent watching this or a guardian or or a loved one or
whether and you noticing these kind of traits and somebody it’s quite
interesting if you come across this for the first time then it may be possible
that they have a special condition because I find this is very valuable okay so number three is making small
talk and this one I kind of brings to me as well I know a lot about kind of like
how it’s difficult to make small talk when having expression condition because
that is like it’s super difficult so you’re talking about your of the
experience of being a female especially sure I mean like a lot of people would
probably doubt this and a lot of people that have met me personally and that’s
because I mean I I will make the effort to trap to them but what I’m actually
doing is running off a script of stuff I’ve learnt to say over the years that
is socially acceptable and I’m just repeating myself basically in every
conversation with every single person because I when that script runs out what
do I see now yeah I can totally I can totally relate and like I have a few
things that I talk about one oh I’ll talk about I see other people and then
when they’re not interested I’m like okay well I’ll talk about politics cuz I
know a lot of politics right and if thier not interested in politics I’m kind of all out
you know there’s so if someone said to me let’s talk about cars I’m like there’s no way
there’s like no way conversations going to go into it life finding those
situations are like the panic situations i’m like uh oh what am I gonna do now it’s
because like I mean it’s a common autistic trait that people with autism
tend to speak about themselves and speak about their interests and then you’ve
also got that in fact that we you have to actively try to pretend to be
interested in that other person when actually you don’t care you don’t care
okay and it’s not that you’re not a caring person it’s just that you you’re
very strict on your interests what were you enjoy talking about it’s really very
very interesting and I love kind of having conversations with other autistic
individuals because you can relate them so much and it’s interesting because I
can go through life just thinking things yourself and you talk somebody like huh
yeah right because we can talk about the things because we have that kind of
common ground but it’s interesting when you yeah you with like typical people
who want to talk about like cars and work and going out it’s like so weird
and especially like I mean I don’t have typical interest the girls have for
example having my nails done or no idea what to talk it’s totally true like so I
don’t drink alcohol in like a lot of guys like love drinking beer and all
this stuff so if I me like Nomi’s family members or they talk about beer and
drinking like how completely I feel yeah I have no idea what’s going on you know
like it just it’s really difficult I think it’s probably more difficult to
find for people to find common ground with me yeah yeah they must think I mean
they must be able to sense when I’m not really interested only yes well look I
mean it’s it like you said it’s a very typical trip of autism and I feel that
like if you’re experiencing this yourself and you can relate to this then
this is definitely a video for you and leave a comment down below as well oh your
experiences I love to talk to people about the different types of experiences
they’re having okay so number four is fear of socialising and this is this is
a huge one I mean socializing for anybody on the spectrum is a very
difficult situation especially the people you don’t know and if it’s a lot
of people so let me know how do you experience that fear so slightly well I
mean it’s not something that other people could notice because like I said
earlier hiding traits and this applies to this one massively because I’m
basically actually get like a lump in my throat and I and I feel absolute dread
when I know that I have to be social with someone or speak to someone on a
personal level and it’s not because they’re not interesting people it’s just
because I generally am extremely intimidated by people when it when I
figure to meet them as well so yeah it just builds avoidance issues as well
do you feel like it kind of built up a frustration or anger so like if you’re
forced to be in social situations you also have a fear of it and the masking
comes into play does that have a kickback like oh my goodness you know
because because with me because it’s different males in spectrum I just I
just don’t you know from this situation where people expect something of you I
we don’t really technically how about masking ability I guess because you know
the female and male brains do work slightly differently in that respect I
think it’s because like in general women are more socially aware right yeah so I
mean it would really matter to me what other people thought so sometimes you’re
like okay I need to go through this and I need to do this and again the masking
comes into play but I’m wondering like does that have a kick back so you do the
you know you masking you go force yourself to a fearful situation of socializing
then like later on at home did you have a kick in the head so anything that
happens like any any social event that happens during the day I will go home
and I will really sit and think about it and I’ll think like well I shouldn’t
have said that I should have said it differently or perhaps did I offend that
person and and and then it just it just makes you so scared of just socializing
yeah yeah yeah I need you trying to do yeah because you just think that I’m
useless at this and I’m gonna fail so then it just instills an absolute fear
in you and I don’t know what it is I don’t know it me so scared to connect
with other people I know I think it’s it’s because the unpredictability of
people because you don’t have people gonna react to anything and I think that
that’s the fear is that I don’t know how they’re gonna react and you know I just
think me ages to figure this out I’m working on this channel and working with
professionals is how I’ve come to a conclusion about so I think is I think
the intense fear as well comes from being socially rejected over the years
no you could you rejected so often you can use that fear you get
and then it gets a point where I mean I wasn’t treated very well in school I was
quite bullied in school for being the quiet wouldn’t believe it or not and
then you’re even more scared of speaking because it was a bigger thing yeah
that’s crazy but like and that is I think you know school is like probably
the worst place like typical mainstream school kids can be mean as heck so this
doesn’t help especially can females who are trying the best to market because
again females they’re so clever in the way that you know you know female with
autism is like you said they’re trying to do all these things and that the guys
are just like lazy typically and not respect they don’t try those things
because I have no idea why that’s how it works and I just find it it’s crazy
because police should be so horrible especially someone who’s already trying
to harvest you know that’s definitely you when you have to make the active
effort as one you said I mean that’s people on a spectrum we do actively have
to make more of an effort than you have really person because it does it
requires a lot yeah it takes way more effort it’s like do you think going like
this distorted picture thing up is like way more effort involved for some of the
autism it would be for a typical person because all that interaction the life
some of the stimuli the people socializing but then cuffing the money
that the worrying the the anxiety of just being outside like it’s all of
those things out there but I think it’s just yeah it’s crazy so number five is isolating or
isolation talk about how you isolate yourself and what I mean so I mean this
is probably a follow-on from the fear of socializing because what happens is you
get such a big fear of socializing that you become socially avoidant and this
can lead to other mental illnesses as well like depression for example but
sometimes you know what I can be at home when I can be really I can feel really
low in myself because my social life has gone out the window because I’ve just
I’ve just not got the energy to be able to invest in that so busy during the day
and then what happens is I avoid every one I start to become depressed yeah
because it’s kinda like a catchment is you don’t want to go out because you’re
feeling kind of that fear of like you know the sometimes it’s definitely you
feel like it’s gonna take more effort but then when you don’t go out and doing
those things you become a bit more recluse and then it gets worse and then
it kind of plays in your mind in you and then your moods starts to dip and then
you’re just in a downward spiral also another thing as well like I mean I for
example I can my friends right and I have an amazing
time out of my friends will have a great laugh and then I will come home and just
cry and it’s because like like you said really
all those environmental factors everything yeah everything that’s you
all the information your brain is trying to process at one time
it gets to a point where do you want to see me you’re just gonna have to come to
my yeah I’ll deal with the fact that text messages are the way to go like I
interviewed a guy I was doing a collaboration video with a guy called
Kevin Chapman who is a really big youtuber an autism advocate on the on
the platform and Kevin’s got a son called Andy who has autism and he said
to me every day and he came every Monday and he would come home from school
and just throw up like like every Monday he’d come on throw up and you said while
it’s going on oh no other day just the Monday come home throw up on the floor
and you sit down what’s going on I said well he’s had you know Friday evening
Saturday and Sunday to just chill out and be in his own zone and be
comfortable then he goes into a school environment which throws him all out and
he’s happened to deal with that all day and he just goes crazy sick so it’s kind
of like I can totally understand what you know about I’ve not really
experienced that myself from because I just have been used to accessing myself
for ages I can’t know the last time I cross this off to another situation
because like you you want to go out and have that fun of your friends I’m not
really bothered I’d rather just kind of like separate myself and I think that is
the difference between the male and the female on the spectrum the friends I
have the friends that just know how useless I am maintaining friendships and
they kind of accept them they just think well Charl is the way she is and if I
want to see her I’m just gonna have to give her a call or yeah there’s nothing
wrong with that and I think that like being proud of who you are as well it’s
going to definitely help overcome any kind of stigma about all those things
ok so just want to say thanks for Cherl to come down and actually do this video
it’s super awesome and I’m looking forward to getting a tattoo from you
sometime in the near future if you want to check out the next video it’s all
about autism symptoms in girls and I’ll leave it in the next video card and
don’t forget to subscribe if you wanna learn more see you next time guys

Author: Kennedi Daugherty

100 thoughts on “AUTISM in GIRLS: 5 Social Anxiety Traits (YOU need to know)

  1. I have an autistic son, but I also have a daughter I suspect being on the spectrum as well. She matches a lot of the traits. I feel like she used to mask a lot as a child but now that she's in high school she has a lot of social anxiety. Thank you so much for sharing. Great information.

  2. As a child, I was told that I had Selective Mutism. When that was brought up along with everything else talked about, I began to realize that I very well could be on the Autism spectrum and as a 21 year old woman, I'm not completely certain what to do with this information. What do I do? Who do I reach out to for support? Should I get tested?

    Also thank you so much for this video. I feel alone often because I feel like people can't really understand what I go through on a daily basis.

  3. this video made me cry. I was watching your channel thinking about my son and others and my whole world just changed…… wow I resonate with it all personally.

  4. If we heard autism we often think about males. But not all who has this are all males there are females also thats why this video will help a lot to know more about female with ASD..

  5. This is so accurate! All my years of struggling being on the Spectrum making friends pretending to fit in etc and now my son age 2 has autism too, each day is a struggle especially all the help my little boy needs I have to go to appointments speak to the paediatrician etc and it’s difficult being a mum that’s on the Spectrum luckily we have portage they been amazing help with not just my son but with me too offering to come places to support both of us! I’m sure this video will help a lot people understand autism in women! Well done!! 👏🏼

  6. I am great at faking conversation with people because on of my weird interests is human emotions and why . So I just ask questions after question and watch how they show emotion as they tell stories. Most people don't realize I haven't said a thing.

  7. I’m a 15 year old girl and i have aspergers and OCD and i have terrible social anxiety. But i’m working on it!!


  9. It wasn’t until all 3 of my children were diagnosed with Autism, I was diagnosed also at 30. It makes sense since I have never dealt well in busy shopping malls and school was hell on earth until my favourite subjects came along (anything visual, art woodwork etc.) that I got straight A’s.

  10. Sooo. My friends been in my ear for a good year or so trying to diagnose me herself with ADHD… Yeah. I've been pretty stubborn because of that about coming back to your videos because I know you cover both. I saw this when it first popped up and I was just like yeah ok, got halfway through the video and started hearing her in my ear again. No go. And now I'm here yet again, I've told her to back off out of my life completely for the moment and now I'm free to overcome my super stubborn ways. Guess what. I'm one step closer to a diagnosis. I've felt like an odd person my entire life for being completely disinterested in girly stuff, at one point I thought I was a lesbian lol. I've been masking for pretty much my entire life and honestly I'm just sorta watching all these pieces fall into place, as seems to happen with most of my mental health journey so far, so now I'm taking Asperger's to my psychologist instead of ADHD at the next appointment and I just want to say thanks to the both of you for putting this out there. I would've never been able to be comfortable with the thought without this video. My old psych questioned me on whether I might have autism once and I basically just looked at her blankly for a full minute and said nahhh, couldn't be and just laughed lol. Turns out she was onto something.

  11. I've been doing this script thing for years and I never knew it's an aspergers thing. I'd literally get thrown so off course when the conversation doesn't go according to my script, that I freeze up. I also actually 'time' my behavioral reactions. And I'll be like 'ok, you've made eye contact for 5 seconds. Now look away for a couple minutes, focus on that object over there, then make eye contact ahain
    What I'd really like to know is if this script thing happens to NTs as well! Is this a thing that everyone else does, or is it really just people with Aspergers? If anyone who's non-asperger is reading this, please tell me lol.

  12. I can so relate! My 13 year old daughter does everything you listed, masking, isolation (where she can be herself by herself), small talk because she uses scripts. So nice to hear an adult female perspective! Thank you 😊

  13. This is crazy. Everything that she has said, resonates deeply within me. The only difference is about one term. I use the word, Charade, not masking. I didn’t even know that there was another word for it.

  14. I have been told I don't have aspergers by ignorant people Bc I've become so good at masking. So good infact that I am actually good at being a douche. And douchebaggery is usually seen as egotistic neurotypical.

  15. I identify with all of these but no clue what I could or should do about it. I’m older and wAs diagnosed add inattentive in high school. But 🤷‍♀️ Oh well. Lol

  16. Sometimes I constantly think about what I “should’ve said” and run through scripts. And gosh the freezing moments with others hate that

  17. I get quiet when i am around new people, and I dont like when people look at me for too long because I fear they are judging me. This has actually led me to yell at people and accuse them of judging me. Just because I have a disability doesn't make me any different from the average person.

  18. The thing with me is I grew up being raised by a husky wolf named Mika. I learned from him and was often ignored by my family or told I acted like an animal so we would never be taken out to places. My grandmother, brother and father was abusive and my uncle hurt me when I was 2. Because I didn’t talk he got away with what he did. I still can’t handle overloads of sensory and I still can’t understand social interactions. I often misunderstand what people are talking about and what they mean when they speak to me. I am hard of hearing so I struggle even more to hear and understand. I am also dyslexic and struggle to read quick enough so I miss a lot. I don’t have anyone around me that is dealing with autism so I have no one to relate to. This makes this so hard for people I know to understand what I’m going through. They blame me for reacting the way I do and don’t support my needs. I am alone in this struggle and blamed for how I react. In other words, no matter what happens around me it is always me that is considered the bad guy.

  19. I don't get smalltalk. Like srsly, it's so unnecessary. Today someone in university I didn't know at all asked out of the blue a yes-no-question, my answer was no. And that's it. I didn't understand why he wanted to know that and everybody said I should have asked him a question, because that's smalltalk. But I really don't care if he chose Evolution or not. Why should I ask that??

  20. This is the first time i have ever seen someone like me. it took me until i was between 17 and 19 for me to stop masking and to this day its hard not to revert to masking

  21. I am diagnosed processing disorder other.

    From what the psychiatrist told me, It means I have bits and characteristics of 2 or more processing disorders. As well as diagnosed depression.

    I've learned from youtube that many aspies have sensory processing disorder as well.

    I've also heard/read through youtube and researching my own disorder that sensory processing disorder often gets misdiagnosed as autism. Now I understand why from watching your video.

    I thought copying and mimicking characteristics and behaviors that are not your own to be socially acceptable was how every human learned to be socially acceptable. I thought everyone wasnt truly themselves simply by accident of not being able to communicate through telepathy if not by purposely or habitually making their true self. I definitely run off a script and freak out when conversations dont go on script or "run longer" than the script I have.

  22. I lost most of my friends throughout my school years because I don't make the effort to keep the contact lol.

    edit: they don't either so i guess we weren't good friends anyway lmao

  23. I try to act like the people I like, and remember what they say so can ask them questions about that. I've been working really hard on not smiling and laughing when I shouldn't, because I realized it probably makes people upset if they are telling me about something not good in their life, despite I am usually laughing because it makes me think of something else that is funny, but they don't know what I'm thinking, they just think I'm laughing at their anger or sadness.

  24. I've had selective mutism for years. I didn't even know it could go hand in hand with autism. I've always had really bad social anxiety, but I've started to wonder if it could also be asperger's bc I have other traits of it.

  25. I missed trait number four. Would you mind letting me know what it is? Also I am nearing fifty and was diagnosed with ADHD about six years ago. I have all of these traits you mentioned but I thought it was caused by my ADHD. What's the difference between Autism and ADHD?

  26. I identified with all this, especially mutism and isolation 😅😅
    I always heard a lot of these things like "You dont talk?", "Why you so quiet?" or "Are you shy?" – Actually I just didnt know what to say, when its a group of ppl its worse 😅

  27. Neuro diverse!! uuurghh. Dont like the use of the word diverse. Diversity is one of the most overused words im not diverse. I am what i am

  28. Clarity is coming along much better this way. Need to understand my situation this helps it's how I figure things out.

  29. thank you i found this by accident. i'm 37 and i have no actual diagnosis but it's been suspected for while and i can't afford pay out of pocket for extensive testing but i need services and i want whatever therapist i have to get the right guidance support if have diagnosis. i feel so odd and awkward out of place but yes as adults anyone need to socialize even if we not up wit the rest of our peers it be nice if i can improve my interactions even a little. i am disabled in other ways i can't drive a car don't have one cannot hold down a job since i was 23. i have had IEP's throughout k-12th grade. i totally feel paranoid that others are judging or going to judge me and everyone is different while one person might not judge the next person could. i get so nervous when i have to leave a vm to people i do not know. so much else going on too so been stressed. i will be subscribing because it has been so hard to find some kind of help online about females on the spectrum. i always repeat myself not on purpose and ramble on. social situations have me so overwhelmed and like i get distracted easily. and yes interests big thing i think in future may have find support group with those on spectrum to socialize to not feel alone. and find ways of improving my social interactions with other adults say late 20's and older than me not just my age. its so nice to see and hear others who have same issues as me instead of relying on medical information on the spectrum. i mean has it's importance too.

  30. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    WOW. Thank you BOTH SO MUCH!!!!!. Somehow it feels so much more REAL coming from those of us that "actually experience the feelings"….as opposed to it coming from a friend, partner or even a doctor's diagnosis.
    I'm 47…and I have only NOW just realised how MUCH THIS IS ME!!!!

  31. Anybody noticed how beautiful autistics are? Every autistic l ve seen has an angel face ( I saw a lot since I be an autistic nefew and used to visit a specialized school with him)

  32. I HAVE ALL 5 OF THESE. Holy moly I should probably get diagnosed. It's so weird hearing other people have the exact same problem that I've been having my entire life.

  33. OMG I startd crying…this is so me!! Relief tears. Thank you so much. I was called a bitch, shy, outcast etc all my life. Im 57 years old.

  34. She put my feelings into words! I thought I was pretty much alone in my social anxiety and… The dreaded dinner table. I've never been diagnosed with Autism, Social anxiety nor GAD, however, I've been for a long time suspicious that I have social anxiety and possibly generalised anxiety disorder.

  35. Super informative! I'm a 45yo father of 2, and pretty sure that I'm undiagnosed Aspie. But here's the thing: my 'traits' are by far most in line with 'girls' Aspergers and not 'boys'. Anyone out there with an experience like this? Any opinions?

  36. Sometimes people react to me in ways that I don't intend and it genuinely confuses me and makes me question who I am as a person. 🙁 I have diagnosed anxiety and I've realized it is a huge problem for me in a fast paced work environment. I care too much and I will work myself too hard. I am easily taken advantage of. I will sometimes look at a $10 bill and mistake it for a $20 bill 🙃 so that's a whole $10+ just gone because I cannot concentrate and work under fast-paced stress (alone, btw, I'm much more relaxed doing register along-side someone but that usually doesn't happen at my job).

  37. Can totaly relate to everything that was said and I am sharing these traids for sure. Sensitive souls struggeling to feel themselfes in this world. With all the outdated and harsh stuff that are deeply implemented in our "modern" society. Thanks for this insightfull video

  38. This is amazing, you literally described my life and I am 57 years old! I never realised that I had a problem,I have just adjusted my life to fit my needs.
    I always explain that I am not a "joiner- inner", I never go to parties, social events, large groups terrify me,family gatherings are traumatic and exhausting. I am fairly good in a one to one situation especially when first meeting new people but find it hard to maintain long term friendships because at some point down the line I start to feel overwhelmed by friends and need my own space. I have never had 'a best friend' in all my life and always wondered why? Everyone else makes it look so easy!
    On the upside , I have a lovely husband, (who gives me lots of space) and 3 gorgeous children, so life has been good and everyone's different in this world. It would be a boring place if everyone was the same! Is this really autism? Is it not just a personality type?

  39. Everything that has been talked about hits the nail on the head for me. To believe it #4 on this video I have a extreme fear of socializing with others to the point where I fear them getting so angry that they beat me up. So I really isolate myself from any interaction with people.

  40. The copying is too real. I remember as a kid watching what everyone else did and copying their choices and even their cursive handwriting. I was sick of hiding my emotional self from the beginning because of a traumatic incident I had, but the need to pretend just to fit in is so strong. I'm undiagnosed but highly suspicious because my dad shows autistic behavior and I have many traits including crippling social anxiety and not feeling like I think like most people can. I also hate having to change to achieve a certain goal. Can't contribute to conversations at all because I space out and keep to myself to feel okay.

  41. It sounds very fear-based. Fear of rejection, fear of what others will think, fear of not knowing…what others think of me is none of my business — water off a duck's back. If someone talks about something I'm not typically interested in, I'll still listen, but with the thought that maybe it'll be useful information for a future conversation–there's no limits to what my brain can absorb, and if I never use information I've acquired, then I'll lose it anyway. No harm done. Change is a certainty, and nothing ever stays the same (nothing is forever), so why fight it? Just go with it.

  42. I don’t have a diagnose but my son does. He is on the spectrum. The more i learn about female autism… the more i watch videos about female autism… the more i am convinced i have autism. This video could have been made about me. Thank you for doing this. It helps me understand maybe why i am how i am. I am in therapy for anxiety i will try and talk about this.

  43. Omg. So many of these things. There are differences, of course, but most of those things absolutely apply to me. I’m in my 30s and I’ve not ever been diagnosed. Worse, I was screened as a baby and completely missed. Makes me so cranky.
    I crash when I do anything really taxing socially. Which is so frustrating because I’m an extrovert and need the social interaction in order to regain my energy, but being overstimulated makes me want to bolt. So there’s no winning. I’ve noticed so many more of my traits as I’ve gotten older and could never work out why I seemed to be a Marmite person. Definitely got a new subscriber here.

  44. The crash after is so difficult, I had a stressful day yesterday and I have slept nearly all day. I am still exhausted. I try so hard to remember what I am supposed to do and what I am not supposed to do and that in and of itself is so difficult. I would love to be able to not care but I do care, I still care. I am isolate a lot, I started to significantly isolate in my early teens and then with serious mental illness added in I now live a life where I am hugely isolated. I guess this is just how it is. I hope that things for the next generation might be different.

  45. Having social anxiety and working on a fast food (cashier) is really dreadful. I feel so exposed whenever I stand on the front counter and I do all thing just to avoid being plotted as cashier everytime I'm on duty.

  46. Her hair color matches her skin perfectly, she’s like a snow princess 😍. I love these videos, thank you!!

  47. I'm a girl with Asperger and yea I always try to act 'myself ' around my friends but I end up masking non the less and almost being over happy which is draining for me and others probably.

  48. Hi Charl & Dan,
    Thanks for this video!
    It's the first one I've watched from either of you.
    It was really helpful to gain insights from your perspectives.
    I'm a retired guy in my late 60s. There seems to be autism in some members of my family, in past & present generations. What you've explained I think differs from most of us, so your video has developed my understanding a bit.
    You both come across as really likeable & friendly. I could listen to you for ages.
    As a Christian street preacher – yes, really – I love to meet people who do & who don't share my faith. So I appreciate the opportunity to see life & experience from other peoples' viewpoints.
    God bless you,
    With kind regards,

  49. I've always been told that I'm shy or just quiet. In recent years the it's been getting worse. I dropped out of school because going to school got hard i was always scared and, and i stayed out of school pretending im sick or the like. I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety, autism or anything like that, seeking help is hard since it's so damn expensive, and I've gotten good at pretending or copying others.

    But i cant blame them since saying, hey mom, dad i think i may have social anxiety is pretty crazy. I do have most of these symptoms, but i really dont know what to do. I cant ask for prices at stores, order food, or any tedious things like that. Recently ive been avoiding any or all social situations possible.

  50. LOL, I sure identify with both of you regarding social anxiety. I FIRST noticed it in 2013 during a gathering at UCLA in LosAngeles with some FORMER online "friends" Needless to say, a year later, I got rid of them.

  51. I just get confused with so many conversations going on at once in a group setting, and feel like I’m always a step behind everyone else, never able to get a word in edgewise 🙄

  52. I am the same as her. I don’t do groups at all cuz I can’t even function. I actually left my exes house during his birthday dinner last year crying cuz the anxiety was so bad.

  53. My daughter is 11 and either she has been hiding it really well or it is rapid onset spectrum disorder. I don’t know how to help her aside from getting her help at school, doctors, but I want to help her so badly because she is really struggling. Videos like this has helped me to see that she may have been masking for a long time. I don’t want to fail her.

  54. is everyone else getting all diet ads watching this video?! because i've heard that there's a big overlap in autism in females and anorexia, and these advertisers are probably taking advantage of that.

  55. About small talk, allistic people HATE it when you start a conversation with them about something topical. Religion, politics, news, cars, music. They always want you to go for something personal. They will think you're weird if you screw the conversation opener up.

  56. This is so me ❤️I always felt different an emergency understood why I didn’t relate to a lot of people. I felt different and broken but now I know that I’m not. That’s just who I am. It feels good
    To know that I’m not alone❤️

  57. Everything here sounds like you guys are describing myself. Crying right litterally. Went in for an aspie diagnosis before but got turned away probably due to masking (I am a girl). Some examples of my life…

    In high school I used to "try on" different personalities to see if they fit me… but none of them did so I just kept rotating between the super shy basically mute girl in classes and the confident, passionate-sounding girl I wanted to be.

    Have a TON of identity issues. I also really love harry potter. I must have taken the house sorting quiz like more than 20 times (NOT an exageration)

    I reply conversations in my head all the time… cringing where I went wrong….

    I cry a lot after a lot of socail interactions

    I've always felt like everyone else has a script to follow in conversations but I've forgotten my lines…..

    Gonna try to get diagnosed

  58. I'm currently wondering a lot after my therapist suggesting that I could be on the spectrum, instead of "just" having social anxiety like we were thinking. I was wondering in which aspects are those specific to autism instead of being just traits of social anxiety ?

  59. As a guy I recognize a lot of these things, especially masking to the point I don’t know who I am anymore and being able to talk about the few interests I have while not being able to join in conversation about other things, eventhough I feel I should.

  60. I have autism and I'm a woman as well and I know what it feels like to have identity problems from masking. I'm 22 years old now and I masked so frequently that I was constantly on the edge of who I was or what I actually thought and eventually I shut down and just had to say, forget what other people think. I had to essentially relearn to be a person.

  61. My daughter has Asperger's, and she's a Junior in high school now. She used to be involved in theatre, but finally stopped. Everyone was SO social, and she was very quiet. Eventually, she heard the rumors that were going around about her – the other kids were whispering that she was stuck up. That made her feel worse, and now she's missing out on something she's completely passionate about. It makes me super upset. At least she has a great group of friends, though. She's had lots of interventions, has a great therapist and a good SLP. We just keep at it.

  62. So in theory, if I relate to 90% of this video does that mean I could be on the spectrum? Not that it’s a bad thing, I’m curious

  63. I was diagnose with autism spectrum disorder when I was 21 years old and now am 29 years old and I have anxiety disorder

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