4×04 The Parent ‘Hood – Beauty Call

4×04 The Parent ‘Hood – Beauty Call


WENDELL, THANKS FOR DOING THIS
ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE. IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT
IN NEW YORK CITY. THERE’S NOTHING I’D RATHER DO
THAN BABY-SIT YOUR KIDS. NO DATE, HUH? I’M TAKING THE NIGHT OFF. I’M GIVING THE OTHER
PLAYERS A CHANCE. I’LL KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR YOU.
I KNOW A LOT OF NICE LADIES. MY GRANDMOTHER’S NICE.
GET ME SOMEBODY FINE. ALL RIGHT, KIDS, BE GOOD. BYE, MOM. BYE, DAD. ALL RIGHT. DON’T WORRY, WENDELL. YOU’LL FIND A DATE
SOMEDAY. NOT SITTING HERE
ON THE COUCH WITH US. OH, I CAN GET
PLENTY OF DATES. EVER SINCE KAREN
AND I BROKE UP, I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO
FIND THAT SPECIAL LADY. THERE’S A SPECIAL LADY IN
THE KITCHEN I’M LOOKING FOR — SARA LEE. AND DON’T FORGET
HER FRIENDS — BEN AND JERRY. ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS. YOU CAN HAVE A SNACK
BEFORE BEDTIME. Woman:HI. ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR THAT ONE SPECIAL LADY? THEN LOOK NO FURTHER
THAN CLASSY ESCORTS, NEW YORK’S NUMBER ONE
DATING SERVICE. CALL ME NOW. I’M KRISTALL. WOW. WE CAN ORDER A SPECIAL
LADY OVER THE PHONE. JUST LIKE A PIZZA. EXACTLY. HELLO, MY NAME’S NICK. [ Deep voice ] AHEM.
I MEAN, MY NAME’S WENDELL, AND I’D LIKE TO ORDER
ONE SPECIAL LADY. YES, MAKE THAT TO GO. DO YOU SEE HER? NO. ALL CLEAR. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE HAVE TO HOP
EVERY TIME AYSIA’S AROUND. SHEISTHE PLEDGE MISTRESS
OF THE DREAM GIRLS. WE HAVE TO DO WHAT SHE SAYS TO GET INTO THE HOTTEST
FEMALE CREW IN SCHOOL. THEY DO HAVE
ALL THE HOOK-UPS, ALL THE PARTIES, THE BACKSTAGE
PASSES AT THE CONCERTS. NOT TO MENTION THEIR PICK
OF THE FOOTBALL PLAYERS. I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO MENTION THAT. HERE SHE COMES. ATTENTION, PLEDGES. YES, PLEDGE MISTRESS? INSPECTION. PETERSON… WHAT’S WITH
THAT LIPSTICK? KIMMURA,
FIX IT FOR HER… WITH YOUR EYES
CLOSED. WELL, I — CLOSE THEM! BUT FIRST, LET ME POINT YOU
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. NOW LISTEN UP. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO
BE DREAM GIRLS, THEN YOU’VE GOT TO
PASS ONE MORE TEST, AND THAT IS TO PICK A BOY
AND DATE HIM FOR ONE WEEK. I CAN DO THAT
WITH MY EYES CLOSED. WELL, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO. THE BOY YOU PICK MUST BE
THE HOMELIEST, NERDIEST, UGLIEST LOSER YOU CAN FIND. IN FACT, HE’S
GOT TO BE BEYOND UGLY BECAUSE IT’S OOGLIE WEEK. ISN’T THAT A LITTLE COLD? NO ONE GETS HURT.
IT’S ALL IN FUN. I’D LIKE A CHEESEBURGER
AND AN ORDER OF FRIES. EXCUSE ME? OH, I’M SORRY. I THOUGHT I WAS TALKING TO
THE CLOWN AT JACK IN THE BOX. T.K. ANDERSON, SHOULDN’T YOU BE BREAKING
INTO SOMEBODY’S LOCKER? HOW CAN YOU STAND
LIVING WITH A STREET KID? I DON’T LIVE WITH HIM.
WE KEEP HIM IN THE BASEMENT. OH, SHOOT,
HERE COMES AYSIA. PSYCHE. [ DOORBELL RINGS ] AW! I’M LOOKING FOR A WENDELL. I’M A WENDELL. SO HERE I AM. HEH HEH HEH.
YES, YOU ARE. CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? ANYTHING YOU WANT, BABY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I’M KRISTALL.
DIDN’T YOU SET THIS UP? SET WHAT — OH! ROB AND JERRI
CAME THROUGH FOR ME. THEY LET ME MOOCH OFF OF THEM
ANDTHEY GET ME A DATE. HELLO. HEY, NOBODY SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT TWO DATES. AH, GIRL! ROB, SHE’S FINEANDSHE’S
FUNNY, MAN. THANKS, PARTNER. NO, PROBLEM. WHO IS SHE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MAN?
IT’S KRISTALL. YOU KNOW ROB, RIGHT? PROBABLY. MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE. DIDN’T YOU SET THIS UP? NO. NO.
WHERE DID YOU MEET HER? RIGHT OVER THERE. JERRI. JERRI SAID SHE HAD A FRIEND
THAT SHE WANTED YOU TO MEET. OH. TELL HER, YOU KNOW, GIVE A BROTHER
NOTICE NEXT TIME. GO DO YOUR THING. ALL RIGHT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
ON A DATE SATURDAY NIGHT? I THOUGHT
THIS WAS OUR DATE. I’M DRESSED FOR BABY-SITTING,
NOT SITTING WITH A BABE. OH, SO YOU’RE BABY-SITTING. YEAH. THAT’S SWEET. SO SATURDAY NIGHT
WE’LL GO OUT. ABOUT THE BILL… WHAT BILL? WHEN WENDELL WILCOX TAKES
A WOMAN OUT, HE PAYS. I’LL TAKE CARE OF THE BILL
AND EVERYTHING ELSE. OKAY, BABY. I THINK
I’M GOING TO LIKE YOU. HA HA HA. HA HA HA, HA HA,
HA HA HA. [ HUMMING ] THERE’S ONE! I GOT HIM, I GOT HIM. HI. DANG. OH, HE’S MINE. DANG! WHEN YOU’RE FISHING FOR OOGLIES,
YOU GOT TO BE FAST. WHY AM I DOING THIS? GOD, SOME PEOPLE
CAN BE SO RUDE. INDEED THEY ARE. ARE YOU OKA– HI. I’M ZARIA. OH, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
I’M GORDON. AND YOU’RE JUST THE GUY
I’M LOOKING FOR. ME? WHY, YOU NEED A TUTOR? NO, I NEED A DATE. A DATE. YEAH, Y-YEAH. MAN. YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET ME SEE THESE. THESE PICTURES
ARE REALLY GOOD. YOU SHOULD BE
IN MY PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS. I AM. OH, RIGHT. YOU’RE THE ONE
THAT SITS NEXT TO, UM… YOU SIT NEXT TO… YOU. SEE, I KNEW I KNEW YOU
FROM SOMEWHERE. SO DO YOU WANT TO GO ON
A DATE WITH ME, GORDON? ZARIA, I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT
I’DTALKTO SOMEONE LIKE YOU, AND NOW WE’RE
GOING OUT ON A DATE? THANK YOU, ZARIA. THIS IS THE HAPPIEST
DAY OF MY LIFE. OH! IT’S OKAY. MOTHER WILL POP THAT SHOULDER
RIGHT BACK INTO PLACE. SO YOU KICKIN’ IT
WITH GORDON? MAN, IT’S ONLY
FOR A WEEK, T.K. THAT’S MESSED UP. EVEN I WOULDN’T RUN GAME
ON SOMEONE LIKE GORDON. AND THEY CALLMEA HUSTLER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GETTING US FREE
PAY-PER-VIEW. THAT’S ILLEGAL. SO WHAT?
I AIN’T HURTING NOBODY. BUT IT’S WRONG.
DON’T YOU HAVE A CONSCIENCE? I KNOW YOU AIN’T TALKING. WHAT’S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN? YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
WHY YOU PLAYIN’ GORDON? I’M NOT HURTING ANYBODY. [ Imitating Zaria ]
BUT IT’S WRONG. DON’T YOU
HAVE A CONSCIENCE? NOW TOMORROW YOU’LL BE
DOING THIS IN THE LUNCH ROOM IN FRONT OF
THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. YOU BETTER NOT
LET ME DOWN. AND 1, AND 2… DREAM GIRLS,
THEY’RE ALL THAT. ALL THE OTHERS,
THEY’RE JUST WHACK. DREAM GIRLS,
THEY’RE ALL THAT. ALL THE OTHERS,
THEY’RE JUST WHACK. VERY GOOD. AND AS A REWARD, THERE’S A BIG, HUGE
PARTY SATURDAY NIGHT, AND BRING YOUR DATES ‘CAUSE IT’S THE GRAND
FINALE OF OOGLIE WEEK. WAIT. YOU MEAN I HAVE TO BRING
GORDON WITH ME TO THE DANCE? ZARIA, DO YOU WANT TO
BE A DREAM GIRL? BEING A DREAM GIRL IS NOT
JUST ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL. WE GET INTO
THE BEST COLLEGES, AND YOUR ALUMS WILL
HELP YOU IN YOUR CAREER. ARE YOU DOWN? YEAH, I’M DOWN. THIS BETTER BE WORTH IT. AND THAT’S WHY EVEN TODAY WHEN PEOPLE GET
THEIR PICTURES TAKEN, THEY STILL SAY, “CHEESE!” NOT ME, THOUGH.
I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT. I SAY, “TOFU.” ZARIA!
ZARIA! OH, HEY, GORDON. I DIDN’T
EVEN KNOW YOU WERE HERE. WE DID. OH, ZARIA, YOU LOOK RADIANT. THE HEAVENS MUST BE
MISSING AN ANGEL. WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING.
MOTHER’S DOUBLE-PARKED. I’LL MEET YOU OUT THERE
IN A SECOND, OKAY? OKAY. GOODBYE, GORDON. TOFU. TOFU. ZARIA, COME HERE. WHAT’S GOING ON? WHAT? HE’S JUST A FRIEND. IT SEEMS LIKE HE THINKS
IT’S A LOT MORE THAN THAT. UM… DAD, WHEN YOU PLEDGED
A FRATERNITY, DID YOU EVER DO ANYTHING
THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO? WE DID CRAZY THINGS,
BUT WE NEVER HURT ANYBODY. I’M NOT GOING TO
HURT ANYBODY. LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, TOO. GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. HEY, WENDELL! Robert: WHOA! STOP. WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU LOOK GOOD. TELL ME SOMETHING
I DON’T KNOW. IS KRISTALL HERE? WHERE YOU GOING? I’M GOING TO TREAT HER
TO A LITTLE DINNER, A LITTLE JAZZ,
AND A LOT OF WENDELL. SHE’S A LUCKY WOMAN. I WAS GOING TO
WEAR A TUX, BUT I DIDN’T WANT PEOPLE
TO THINK I WAS JAMES BOND. JAMES BOND… [ JAMES BOND
THEME MUSIC PLAYS ] HELLO, MAURICE. GIVE ME THE USUAL —
SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED. HA HA HA. HA HA HA. WATCH ME ROLL A 7. HA HA HA! 7! EXCUSE ME, BUT I COULDN’T HELP
BUT NOTICE YOU’RE BOOTY. YES, I AM BOOTY GALORE, AND, UH, YOU ARE… BLOND, BLACK BLOND. WELL, THEN THIS
IS FOR YOU. THANK YOU. “TURN AROUND.”
IT’S SOME KIND OF MESSAGE. TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND!
TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND. HAH! GOLDIE! [ Jamaican accent ]
LONG TIME, NO SEE, BLACK BLOND, MAN. WE MEET AGAIN. I’VE GOT A SURPRISE
FOR YOU TODAY, MAN. WHAT IS IT? I’M GOING TO TAKE OVER
THE WORLD AGAIN! I CAN’T LET YOU DO THAT! IT’S TOO LATE. THESE DICE, MAN,
ARE RADIO TRANSMITTERS. WHEN ME ROLL THEM, NUCLEAR MISSILES
AROUND THE WORLD WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING
EXCEPT KINGSTON AND TWO RIB JOINTS IN
CHICAGO THAT’S REALLY GOOD. I CAN’T LET YOU
GET AWAY WITH THIS! LET GO OF ME HAND, MAN.
LET GO OF ME HAND, MAN. LET GO OF HIS HAND! LET GO OF ME HAND, MAN! YAH! 7! HA HA HA! NOTHING HAPPENED. I DON’T UNDERSTAND. I DO. THESEARE
YOUR SPECIAL DICE. I SWITCHED THEM WITH
PHONY DICE. HA HA HA! YOU WON’T TAKE ME ALIVE, MAN.
YOU WON’T TAKE ME. THIS IS ME FAKE HAND HERE.
IT’S ACTUALLY A GRENADE. WHEN I PULL THIS, I WILL BLOW UP
THE WHOLE PLACE. YEAH, MAN! PULL IT, BABY.
PULL IT, BOOTY. WHAT HAPPENED? HA HA HA! I DISARMED YOUR ARM WHILE YOU WERE
IN THE POOPER. SECURITY! NO! NO, MAN! NO! MY GOLDIE! YOU HAVEN’T SEEN
THE LAST OF ME, MAN! ME SEE YOU IN THE SEQUEL!
YOU’RE NOT A REAL BLOND! IT’S OKAY, EVERYONE. HE’S FOILED AGAIN. BLACK BLOND
HAS DONE IT AGAIN. I’M A BAD, BAD SUPERMAN. BLOW ON THESE. WATCH ME ROLL A 7, BABY. WE’RE ALL DEAD! ROBERT? ROBERT? [ DOORBELL RINGS ] THERE SHE IS. DID YOU GET HER FLOWERS
OR ANYTHING? GOOD IDEA. KRISTALL. THESE ARE FOR YOU. OH, THANKS, BABY. MY DATES NEVER
GIVE ME FLOWERS. LET ME PUT THEM
IN A VASE. PERFECT FIT,
JUST LIKE US. OH, YOU ARE SO CUTE. IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME
DOING THIS? NAH, I ALWAYS
STEAL THEIR FLOWERS. I’M JERRI. NICE TO MEET YOU. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW EACH OTHER
FROM THE COURTHOUSE. COURTHOUSE? SO YOU ARE
A CAREER GIRL, TOO, HUH? YES, I AM. SEVEN YEARS
OF SCHOOL, BUT I’M FINALLY OUT. THEY HAVE SCHOOLS FOR THIS? OOH, NEW YORK
HAS EVERYTHING. YEAH. ALL RIGHT,
SEE Y’ALL LATER. OKAY. NICE MEETING YOU. WENDELL, WENDELL, CAN YOU
COME HERE A SECOND? IF JERRI DOESN’T KNOW HER,
WHERE DOES SHE COME FROM? I DON’T KNOW. SHE LIKE ME, AND I LIKE HER.
THAT’S COOL. EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU WENDELL’S
SPECIAL LADY? TONIGHT I AM. THEN HERE’S YOUR $2.50. NICHOLAS, WHY ARE YOU
GIVING KRISTALL MONEY? THE MAN ON THE PHONE SAID
CASH OR CREDIT CARD ONLY. I THINK THIS EVENING’S ABOUT TO TAKE
AN INTERESTING TURN. SO DO I. KRISTALL… SO YOU WORK
FOR AN ESCORT SERVICE? YEAH. WHY DID YOU CALL
AN ESCORT SERVICE? ‘CAUSE YOU WERE LONELY, AND WE JUST WANTED TO
HELP YOU, WENDELL. NICHOLAS, WHY DON’T YOU
GO UPSTAIRS, SWEETIE? COULD YOU
GIVE US A MINUTE? SURE, SURE. LISTEN, KRISTALL, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL
AND EVERYTHING, BUT THIS ISN’T
GOING TO WORK. ACTUALLY, I WAS LOOKING
FORWARD TO GOING OUT WITH YOU. IN MY WORK, I DON’T MEET
A LOT OF NICE GUYS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. HEY, IT’S A LIVING.
AT LEAST IT GOT ME ON TV. YOU THAT GIRL
IN THE COMMERCIAL, HUH? I’M KRISTALL. CALL NOW. NICE TO MEET YOU,
SPECIAL LADY. NICE TO MEET YOU,
WENDELL WILCOX. I’LL WALK YOU TO THE DOOR. THANK YOU. [ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] YO, ZARIA,
BUST A MOVE. HEY, HERE’S A STEP
MOTHER SHOWED ME. OW! AREN’T I LIGHT
ON MY FEET? THOSE AREN’T YOUR FEET,
THOSE ARE MINE. I CAN’T WAIT
TILL THIS DAY IS OVER. DID AYSIA SEE I BROUGHT
GORDON WITH ME? HOW COULD SHE MISS HIM? AS SOON AS HE STOPS DOING
WHATEVER IT IS HE’S DOING, I’M GETTING US OUT OF HERE. HEY, DO YOU LIKE
JELLO SALAD? WELL, I LIKE JELLO,
AND I LIKE SALAD. YEAH. CAN YOU COME TO
MY HOUSE SUNDAY? MY FAMILY
WANTS TO MEET YOU. GORDON — LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY. WELCOME TO THE… BEAUTY AND THE BEAST BALL! SISTERS,
BRING UP THE FINALISTS. NOW THE SISTERS HAVE VOTED, AND IN THIS ENVELOPE
IS THE NAME OF OUR WINNER. THIS YEAR’S
KING OF THE BEASTS IS… GORDON SIMMONS! [ APPLAUSE ] ZARIA, CROWN YOUR BEAST. SO THAT’S WHAT
THIS WAS ALL ABOUT? GORDON, LOOK,
I’M REALLY SORRY. I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS
GOING TO GO THIS FAR. GO AHEAD, IF IT WILL GET YOU
INTO THE DREAM GIRLS. THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST WEEK
OF MY LIFE, UNTIL NOW. JUST DO IT. YES, ZARIA, DO IT. DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! YOU WEAR IT, AYSIA. YOU’RE
THE TRUE BEAST OF THE BALL. PETERSON, ARE YOU CRAZY? I WAS CRAZY TO PLEDGE
FOR THIS STUPID CLUB. IF THIS IS YOUR DREAM, GIRL,
YOU NEED TO WAKE UP. GORDON! GORDON! WAIT, WAIT, GORDON.
I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY. YEAH, GREAT. I DIDN’T MEAN TO
HURT YOUR FEELINGS. I GUESS I JUST
GOT CAUGHT UP. I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THIS. LOOK, JUST GO BACK
TO IGNORING ME NOW. WHAT ABOUT SUNDAY? WHAT ABOUT IT? WELL, YOU PROMISED ME
SOME JELLO SALAD. YOU STILL WANT TO COME? OF COURSE. MEETING YOU
WAS THE ONLY NICE THING THAT CAME OUT
OF ALL OF THIS. WELL, THEN LET’S MAKE
LIKE TOM AND CRUISE. HEY. REMEMBER THE LAST TIME
I SAW YOU? OH, YEAH, MAN,
ME REMEMBER. HA HA! REMEMBER THESE? ME ORIGINAL TEETH. ME COULDN’T EAT
JERK CHICKEN FOR A WEEK. YOU BETTER BE GLAD.
YOU HAD GINGIVITIS. SECURITY! YOU HAVEN’T SEEN
THE LAST OF ME! YOU’RE NOT A REAL BLOND! ME SEE YOU IN THE SEQUEL! —Captions by VITAC
Burbank, Pittsburgh, Tampa,
and Washington, D.C.

Author: Kennedi Daugherty

100 thoughts on “4×04 The Parent ‘Hood – Beauty Call

  1. I watched this all the time as a kid. So many memories. Ashley was so cute and a smart mouth lol

  2. Bruuuhh The way that intro just brought back memoriesss😭 I haven't seen a re run of this since literally like 1999!! I'm so Happyyy👏🏾😩

  3. pretty African girls! don't mean to bring race into this but in the 90s where I lived in California we just didn't watch black shows besides fresh prince & family matters, so we missed out on shows like this one

  4. i just wish Bet would get revamped. They seriously could take shows like these; all the black shows and make that channel something. no ones putting in effort over there. plus they don’t have any money. i’m not even in business and entertainment and i could come up with something better than the shit they show. martins not bad but its OLD! we can show it but show something else. that channel has soooo much potential. it makes me sad.

  5. Man, I tell you I love the bounce channel. They play nothing but classic black tv. Memories of shows I thought I forgot. I bought an antenna just to get this channel!

  6. Lmao dammmmmmn I been watching since it's premiered features, and this is the same set as hanging with Mr Cooper,I am a dumb shi t

  7. The parenthood was one the most underrated sitcoms of the 90s . It should have been in the same league as fresh prince of bel air . Robert Townsend was a genius.

  8. OMG! Robert and these visions of his! Hilarious! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  9. It's funny how they tried to make an Urkel to capitalize off of Family Matters haha. Also, that escort was fine as fuck. And Zaria is cute as hell.

  10. Kids these days have no idea that the best years was the kids who grew up in the 80's we had the best shows the best music and style.

  11. 😒Stuck Up Snotty, Stuck on Stupid ,Dum Duck azz Bitchs allwayz be callin a Buster or Dippa ugly , They be the same ones that end up used&abused , single parent hood , several wack Azz Kidz by Different assholez , That's "EXACTLY" Why the Lamez they "ACTUALLY" like , the DickHeadz their attracted to ,the cute DickHeadz they gaga-googoo over, useally shit&Piss on them , Cheat &Creep on them, 98.9% of the time , that's how it be, Jus sayin 🙄

  12. When she put the that beast head in that girl I was like , yess she the one who is making yall go out with nerdy dudes just so yall can be in a club .

  13. Who does the leader of the Dreamgirls think she is? She is on the verge barely making it of ugly. She is not just barely making it she is honestly ugly. Just be honest she's ugly. I know this is all acting. But it goes to show you. Just as I told my children. I would have never looked at that girl and said anything about her being ugly. But her attitude was so horrible even though it is acting if it were true it would force somebody to look at her physically head to toe and see that she's ugly compared to what we call pretty. Zaria is much more attractive than what she is. That should be a lesson learned. No matter how old I get I still learn new things everyday. 51 years old this year 2018 December 7th. You are either beautiful or average looking until you do something like this. Then you become ugly.

  14. look at Wendell, thinking with his DICK and not his stomach or maybe both lol and tryin to turn a hoe into a housewife lol typical 90's way of thinking lol

  15. Zaria was the pretty dark skin girl on the show. The 90's had plenty of beautiful dark skin girls on their shows.

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